My "Come Hither" Shirt

nerd
NOUN

• offensive term: an offensive term that deliberately insults somebody's physical appearance or social skills     ( slang insult )
• single-minded enthusiast: somebody who is considered to be excessively interested in a subject or activity that is regarded as too technical or scientific ( often used in combination; offensive in some contexts )
• ridiculously good looking: usually very shy, adorable, and more often than not turn out to be really good kissers. 

That is the official definition for nerd. I'm serious, this is what google tels you when you type in "definition of nerd". I did not alter any point of this definition, so obviously it is a proven fact that nerds are superior to other men in many ways. Which is why I am proud to say that I only date nerdy men. I just can't resist a tall gangly man with glasses and a sweet pair of Chuck Taylor's. I tried dating a few men that weren't nerds, and I can say from experience that a nerdy man will treat you better, love you more, and kiss a whole lot better than any other kind of man. It's the truth. I promise. 

One of the best things about nerdy guys though, is how easy it is to get them to notice you. Other guys you have to do stupid things like giggle uncontrollably, constantly comment on their musculature, and touch them a lot. With a nerd, all you have to do is put on some type of slightly nerdy outfit, talk about star trek, and you have them eating out of the palm of your hand. 

I have one shirt, that surpasses all others in its effectiveness to get a nerdy guy to hit on me. It works every single time. I found this amazing shirt at Wal-Mart. It's white, looks like one of those eye test posters and says N is for Nerd with a picture of some sexy nerdy glasses at the bottom. I know it sounds dumb, but I swear this shirt has some magical powers. And once I pair it with the 3D glasses I stole from the movie theater (I cut the lenses out so they look like they could be real glasses) and I'm a nerd magnet. 

The first time I wore this shirt around campus, I had five guys come talk to me. Once, just for fun I wore it to the grocery store and tried to see how many nerdy guys I could get to talk to me. Six. And one of them, bless his nerdy heart, kept following me around the store like a lost puppy. 

Moral of the story: Nerds are sexy. Except for creepy mouth-breathers. With neck beards. 

paprika