Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Fall Flings

Well friends, Rikki here, remember how I told you I had a story for you?
Well here it is, here is the story.

Once upon a time, I was at a church related service project with all my college babes. We were picking pumpkins for a local pumpkin farmer with our ward and a couple of others. I had never picked pumpkins before, I didn't know how tough it was. Pumpkins grow on these big thick vines that you have to cut through, and the vines are all prickly, so you need gloves to even touch them.
I came very unprepared.
 All I had were my hands, and my phone.
Neither were very much use for cutting through vines.
So, I did what any self respecting knifeless girl at a pumpkin patch does:
I found a cute boy with a knife and got my flirt on!

This particular boy was almost as big of a flirt as me, so we got along quite nicely. He got my number at the end of the night and had asked me on a date by the end of the week!

Now, I'm not sure what it is about fall,
but something about the air and the colors and the pumpkin flavored everything make everything so much more romantic.
Our first date, he asked me if I wanted to go on an adventure.
I liked that.
So we did
We set out to feed ducks, except we went to four different places before we finally found some. In the meantime, we did a lot of walking and a lot of talking. 
I told him about high school, and about the different people I'd dated.
He told me about his summer job as a cowboy in Wyoming, and how he takes his little nieces out on dates.
Basically I thought he was a dream.
He was cute, and sweet, and almost as big of a dork as I am. 
I could talk to this guy, 
I felt like he could really relate to me, and knew where I was coming from.
After our first date, I had high hopes
I'll tell you about our second date later.

Stay Spicy you guys,

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Mr. Quick

I broke up with Mr. Horrible, and suddenly it was like I had a sign on my back that said "This babe is a babe! Date her!"

Seriously. Boys started texting me and messaging before I even changed the relationship status on facebook. I hid the relationship status for a long time so we could figure things out, and it's like EVERYONE NOTICED. They didn't say anything... but boys started talking to me a lot.

Mr. Quick was the first one. It started out with "How do you know so-and-so?" And ended with "You're really cool, what's your number?"

He asked me out for the next week. We went to get shakes and talked. We talked and talked. A whole lot. Date started at... 8pm... ended at like.... 12:30pm. It was nice to talk and get out and meet new people. The only problem was, this wasn't really a new person, this was a guy I went to elementary school with, then he moved, then we went to high school together. Only he was a senior when I was a freshy. That's not a big deal when you're in college, a 4 year age difference... but it's a big deal when you're in high school. And then you grow up and you still feel really young in comparison.

He took me home, and asked me out again. The next date, I don't even remember what we did. But he said something about "So for Halloween, I was wanting to be ____, wouldn't it be funny if you were ____?" 

And I started feeling awkward, because it was the second date.... and also, I was only home for the summer. I'd be going to school in a few weeks, and he'd be going to a different school... and we'd be 2 hours apart. This was absolutely a fling in my mind, what was it in his?

The next date, we bought a fish. My fish. His name is Corrihor. A lovely beta. Well... I had fun playing games with his family, we went outside and talked.... I had fun being with him. But I noticed when I wasn't with him, I didn't really care. I actually really liked not being with him. When I was away.... and we had a date coming up... I'd dread it. I'd have a good time on the date... but I always dreaded spending time with him. I can't be with someone I dread spending time with!

So I decided that was our last date. 

BUT WAIT. There's MORE. He kept asking me out, and I was bad at saying no, so I would just say "Oh sure!" And then the day of the date, something OF COURSE would come up... sorry... can't go tonight.... my mom... choked.... on.... grape juice.... I had a tanning accident.... stuff.... sorry.... 

Meanwhile, I dated Mr. Tall, and started dating Mr. Everything. 

Well I broke up with Mr. Tall. (Kinda. Another story for another time.) And Mr. Everything and I started to become exclusive. I'd post pictures of us on facebook, I'd talk about him all the time.... I'd even mention him to Mr. Quick. But still he was asking me out. 

He'd text me SO MUCH. Then he'd text me and say "Lol sorry for texting so much!" And then text me way more. 

Then one day he asked me to a drive in, because he was moving the next day, and I said "Oh I'm feeling sick..." And he texted me and said that he was sorry if he was reading it wrong, but he liked me a lot, but it seemed like I was spending time with someone else, and he was really invested in our relationship, but he didn't know if I was as into it as he was, and he was sorry if he was reading it wrong and was sorry if I really DID like him the best and wanted to marry him, and it was all a misunderstanding, but he wanted to know.

So I said that just yeah.... I was dating someone else and I wanted to see where that'd go. The funny thing is that Mr. Everything does live an hour away.... and I knew him for shorter time than Mr. Quick. But he's MR. EVERYTHING. 

A few months later I was at a football game, engaging in witty banter with an unknown number from the opposing team. I call people darling and sweetie pie all the time. Complete strangers and everything. Eventually they called me "babe" back and I felt weird. So I asked who it was. And it was Mr. Quick. Awkward. 

Well that's the story of Mr. Quick. He was the first date after my break up. Stay tuned for stories of Mr. Tall.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Silly Boys

Hey y'all, it's Rikki here, and I am so excited to be telling you all about my life again! I've missed you guys, and I hope you forgive us crazy college babes for slacking off for so long. 

The last time I talked to you guys, I told you all about jumping into a freezing lake with a bunch of hot men. Well, all those hot men left on religious missions and us College Babes had to find completely new men to hang out with. Over the last few years we have hung out with a lot of men, and there have been a few memorable ones.

There was Freakishly Tall Man that I met at work and took me mini golfing. I know I'm short but no lie, I came up to this guys hips. I hugged him at the end of the date and bruised my cheek on his belt buckle. 

There was The No-Fade Freshman; we went on two or three dates last year, and I thought he was nice but I wasn't feeling the love so when the semester ended I tried to do the "fade out". This boy was texting me twice a day, calling me once a week, and after the whole summer of me not ever replying, he told me that he thought we'd had something real, and special, and he couldn't understand what he'd done wrong. He told me that if what we'd had meant anything to me at all, I would come to his mission farewell and apologize. 

The WoMan, I met at a dance and after getting to know him a little better, decided he would get along well with my fellow College Babe Saffron. After introducing the two of them, and realizing that it would not work out, this boy spent days moping to me over text. This man was whining worse than a PMSing thirteen year old, and drove me freaking nuts. I tried to be nice to him, and assure him that he was a very nice, upstanding gentleman, and that some day a wonderful girl would see that and become his own smitten kitten. He took this to mean that I was in love with him, and when I told him I wasn't- he cried. Like, real live tears. It was awful, but also hilarious in retrospect. Like watching Kim Kardashian cry.

Currently, I've got me a few prospects that look pretty promising, but I'll tell you about them later. They're really good stories and I want to do them justice. I do want to say though, that while over the last couple years my dating record has been pretty pitiful- my life has been awesome. I think a lot of girls our age think that they are worthless, or there's something wrong with them if they aren't dating anyone. I've been there girls, I know how you feel, but you girls are amazing. You are literally in the prime of your life, and you have so many opportunities in front of you! Take this time to discover who you really are, and what you really want out of your life. I know from my own life, the more that you know and love yourself, the more that others, including the hot men, will love you too. I've been single for a long time, and I don't regret a single second of it. It has made me who I am. Embrace it girls, and become who you are meant to be. 

Ambrosially yours,

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Don't Blink, You'll Miss It.

Oh hello there 2012. It's been...

Quite some time. Quite some time. About a year and a half. Quite some time indeed.

Coriander! Where have you been! Well. Let me tell you. The condensed version. Ready.... go.

I met a guy I sent him on a mission I waited for him on a mission I moved home with my parents to a different school for a semester he came home from his mission we dated we got engaged we stayed engaged for a few months he ran off to the military our relationship was crap he treated me like crap I felt like crap and life was crap and so I ended our engagement and sent the ring back to him and I cried and I cried and I cried for a long time I cried even when I dated him for months I knew we were going to break up and I didn't have to guts to do it until he came back his name is mr horrible not to be confused with the awesome dr horrible and I cried and started dating again and dated mr quick and then dated mr tall and neither of them were right and I'll talk about them later because they're funny stories but it wasn't right and I decided that love for me wasn't right and that I went through a failed engagement and no one would love me and I wouldn't find that connection with anyone else which is crap because he treated me like crap and I felt like crap but he knew me and I knew him and I didn't think I'd find that again and love didn't exist and blah blah blah blah... then my dad said "Hey Coriander I know a guy you should look him up" and I said ok and I did then he asked me on a date then another date then another date and his name is mr everything and we dated lots and I moved out of my parents house and back to my favorite school, college state university, again, and now I'm here and he's at a different school but we still date and we date a lot and he is my everything and more he is mr everything and I can't imagine life without him.

The end.


Friday, April 8, 2011

Bus-Induced Anarchy

Anyone who has ever spent over 24 hours on a bus will understand that, after a short while, all laws of society and morality fade away, leaving complete and total anarchy. It's like a tiny, mobile, separate universe. A tiny universe where anything can happen...

But let me back up a little bit.

Hot Brother. Remember him? The gallant knight? Well, this gallant knight took me on the most romatic moonlight-cocoa-picnic ever on the night of Valentine's and told me he wanted to be with me. Great, right? Then he told me that he had promised one of his other consorts a date that Friday, but after that we could be together. So I accepted, and Friday night came and went. Saturday morning, he called and said he changed his mind, he was going to be with this consort. That relationship lasted about two weeks before exploding in his face, and then he had the gall to come crawling back to me. Yeah, nice try, Hot Brother.

So now, here I am on a bus on the way across the country for a wind ensemble tour. This bus, which seats 56 people, contains exactly 56 people, so you can imagine it was quite intimate. Some of those 56 people included: myself, Hot Brother, Former Consort, Mr. Ex, and Hot Brother's... uhh... Cute Brother. So here I am, surrounded by all these characters in the lame movie of my life, confined to the tiny universe for about 26 hours straight. The bus ride started like this...

(woogy flashback effect)

Preparing emotionally for this bus ride was an ordeal, and I had been discussing with Cori and Rikki how lame it was that I didn't have anyone to cuddle with on the bus. So when the bus ride started out, I compensated by laying across the laps of BOTH brothers. Which was pretty hilarious, because both brothers started creepin'. Then, since I had been sleep deprived for days, I passed out, and when I woke up, apparently Hot (and Retarded) Brother had decided he wanted me all to himself so he made Cute Brother move. So I got mad at Hot Brother and told him not to touch, me, so he moved to the window seat and sulked for the rest of the remaining 20 hours. By this point, Cute Brother was unconscious, so I started talking to my girl friend behind him for a while. Then, randomly, Cute Brother goes, "Mmmmmmm... Hey." Stretches, runs his hand down my arm and takes my hand. And held my hand for like an hour. I texted him later (because Mr. Ex was trying to sleep behind me and had already told us to shut up) and asked if he realized he had been holding my hand. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Did you realize you were holding my hand for like an hour?
Him: Haha, yeah, but I have no recollection of how that happened...
Me: Well, you know, band bus, sleep deprivation...
Him: Can I be totally honest with you?
Me: Of course.
Him: I don't really have feelings for you like that, you're more like my sister. I guess I'm just starved for romance right now.
Me: Yeah, that's understandable. (he's going on a mission in less than a month)
Him: Haha, I'd kiss you right now if I weren't concerned about the guilt.
Me: Band buses will do that to you...
Him: Haha, yeeeeeah...
(ten minutes)
Him: So, aren't you going to lean in and kiss me?
Me: You brought it up!
So then he leaned in and kissed me. You know how in movies it's like the camera spins around and dramatic music plays and there are fireworks and birds and flowers blooming? This kiss was not like that at all. Both of us responded with, "Eh, yeah, nope. No. That's not really... yeah, no."

And then I got back with Mr. Ex.

And then three days after we got home, Mr. Ex re-dumped me.

And we all lived lame-ly ever after.

The end.


Saturday, March 12, 2011

Moving On

Hey world! It's been a long time since any of us posted. We did that thing where we started being in school and having exams and stuff and yeah. You know how it is, it takes time! 

Well. I broke up with Tim, remember? That sucked. I really really liked him. But looking back, it wasn't a good relationship, and I wasn't really happy. I'm ready to move on. And I think I have.

This last week was a multi-ward Family Home Evening. We were doing this volleyball tournament. Rikki and Saff were on the court playing, so I was just kinda sitting by myself. And three of the most attractive men ever came and sat by me.




We just talked for a while, about 110% of communication was flirting in some way, and yeah. 

So their names are Derek, Carter, and John. 

They left with my number, and a promise to call, and well.... Derek and I have been texting all week! I'm purrrty sure he's gonna ask me on a date soon.

It feels good to move on. It feels good to flirt shamelessly. It feels good to be liked!

Also, Rikki and Saff have a hilarious story, but I'll let them tell you. Heh heh heh... 


Monday, February 28, 2011

Children's Books

Alright. We're girls. And we like certain guys more than certain other guys. Rikki and Saffron and I have happened ourselves upon a nice bunch of specimen, and we were looking forward to hanging out this weekend! However... they had a campout. Yeah. LAME. For us at least, it's probably super fun for them.

So Thursday, I could see the weekend was coming up really soon, and I had to come up with something to do! Enter: Institute man. Also known as Luke.

Luke has been making eyes at me all semester. But... I dunno. I just get this vibe from him that he's not my type. But I don't want to judge fast, so I give him a chance. He sat by me on Thursday, and we got talking before class started.

Within 3 minutes of talking, he told me he lives with his parents, and he recited an entire children's book. From memory. Uh... alright! Whatever! There's lots of guys in the world, why do I have to pick the one that recited the kiddie book to me? Remember the fine specimen?

After class he asked me on a date for Friday night. Hey! Something to do this weekend while fine specimen are camping! So I said yes.

Ladies and Gentlemen.... what comes next is something very shallow of me, something I never do.

One of the fine specimen texted me and told me that the camp out was cancelled. And they really wanted to hang out with Rikki and Saff and I this weekend.

I couldn't let my roomies have all the fun.


I lied to Luke. I told him that family came in town, my Grandparents from Texas showed up out of no where, and were really looking forward to taking me to dinner that night. Sorry Luke... I'm going to have to cancel.

I had fun with Rikki and Saffron and fine specimen.... I don't regret making the choice to spend time with them instead of Luke... but I feel like such a jerk.

Next person to ask me on a date, no matter WHAT book they recite, I will go.