Mmmmm...Shirtless Boys!

So, a new semester always means new friends, new men, and new adventures! And last night I had one of the most exciting adventures of my life!!! Remember the jerks that ate my goldfish? Well I was over in their apartment the other night and we were bored. We had just finished watching a movie, and were desperately trying to find something to do with our lives. I've already stated that these boys are not the sharpest cookies in the lamp, but sometimes they surpass dumb and go straight to  idiocy. Here's how the discussion went;


"Dude...I'm so bored"
"Dude.....Let's do something crazy!"
"....we could go jump in the dam up the canyon"
"Dude, that water's got to be so cold!...LET'S DO IT"


And obviously I had no choice. Six mainly attractive men that would soon be shirtless-I just had to go too, that's what college is all about! So I scampered home, changed into my very-cute-but-not-too-slutty swimsuit and braced myself for the "Polar Plunge"


Once we arrived at the Dam that we would be jumping into, I got cold feet. (Hee-hee punny right?) There was snow on the ground. And ice chunks in the water, and we were going to be leaping off a bridge into frigid black death. The men, no doubt trying to seem macho and tough in front of a super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot college babe like me, all jumped fearlessly into the water, where they were diminished into screeching, shrieking ninnies. I was left by myself, on a bridge, eight feet above the coldest, blackest water in the world. After much coercion, and many promises that if I started drowning, they would save me, I finally jumped off the bridge into the frozen void. 


If you've never jumped into a freezing lake in the middle of January, or been stranded in a blizzard on the planet Hoth, you have no idea how cold I was once I hit the water. I felt like every inch of me was being stabbed, squeezed, and smacked simultaneously. I couldn't even scream I was so cold, all I could do was frantically thrash my way to the shore and let the men pull me up. I guess I looked pretty frozen because immediately the most attractive of the men, Jason, wrapped a towel around my shoulders and hugged me until I stopped shaking.


If you have never been warmed by the bare chest of a sexy man, you are seriously missing out. It is one of the most blissful experiences you can have. I suggest that you immediately find a man, rip his shirt off and snuggle on up. It can help cure cancer, and make you feel all snuggly warm inside!


Ambrosially Yours,

paprika

...I got better....

After some time being mopey and pathetic and junk like that, I up and got better. Don't know how I did it.

Yeah. Break ups suck. But hey. I'm going to College State University! It rocks! I have awesome roommates/BFFLOLOMGROFLTTYL!!!! and life is actually pretty good. Looking back? It stings. But yeh know, that'll probably be there for a while. But there is far too much good out there to pity myself over a breakup with a guy who was a jerk-face anyways. I've got better things to do.

And those things come in the shape of fresh meat at family home evening. It's a new semester. It never really really occurred to me that this also meant new people in my ward. Rikki and Saffron were busy studying last night, so I headed out to FHE by myself.

I don't know why I went really... they were playing volley ball. And I'm not a sports girl and our ward is SUPER competitive. I was destined to get hit in the head with the ball more than 5 times. So I hung out off court most of the time and hit things up cheerleader style.

And this got me some good attention. I met this new guy. His name is Dan. And he is foine. Yeah so I met him last night and....

You guessed it! I got myself a date.

Wow Cori? Gettin yourself a date an hour after meeting a guy? Not bad.

I'm back in the game fellas. Look out.

~Coriander

BOY UPDATE TIME!

Everyone's favorite thing ever! Now, you'll recall earlier when I mentioned all those guys that interesting things happened with/around. And I told you I'd keep you updated!

First off, there's Mr. Ex. Yeah, he's still around. I thought I could be all cool and be like, "Oh yeah! Sure! We can still be friends, because we're extra super cool people!" Well NOPE! We couldn't JUST be friends. My friend with the hot brother (we'll get to Hot Brother later...) referred to me and Mr. Ex as "uhh... really close... touchy-friends?" So yeah, we can still be friends! If friends are people who kiss each other as they leave for work, hold hands when they're walking down the hall, and put their arms around each other as they're sitting next to each other. And I don't even like this guy! I really don't! That's why I broke up with him! It's super frustrating and I finally just got so tired of it. I'm going to try avoiding him for a while. Which should be pretty easy when he goes on a road trip next week. (Phew!)

Work Guy? Never saw or heard from him again.

And THEN there's Hot Brother. Turns out, he transferred out of my karate class. So did my friend, whose brother he is. Sad day, I don't know anyone in that class. But I do still see Hot Brother around, no fear! He's in the band with me still. I see him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I even exchanged words with him the other day! I was sitting through rehearsal, and I was having SUCH a hard time concentrating, my brain felt super fuzzy and weird. Then after rehearsal was over, I was putting my instrument away and Mr. Ex came up to give me a hug. Mr. Ex says, "Whoa, you're really hot..." I sort of glared and him for a minute until he said, "No, I mean I think you have a fever..." Then I decided to give up on being upright and sort of slumped to the ground. I shuffled my way out to grab my stuff and go to work, and Mr. Ex was kind of half-dragging me. We walked past Hot Brother right as I moaned, "I'm dying..." And then Hot Brother said, "Aww, don't die. That wouldn't be good." I swooned a little bit and Mr. Ex muttered, "Like he would even care..." Then I smacked him.

Another update on Hot Brother: He finally got a facebook page so I could facebook stalk him. FTW.

--Saffron

That one time I witnessed a MURDER!!

Our apartment doesn't allow pets, except for fish. So, we have this sexy beta fish that we named Rufus, so we could talk about him and pretend he's a dog. We love Rufus. He swims around, jumps and tries to bite our fingers when we feed him, and he really likes watching TV. The new RM's love Rufus too, they enjoy witnessing and exploiting his predatory nature


One of them, went and bought a little goldfish, and brought it over to feed to Rufus. Mostly, the two fish swam around in circles for an hour with Rufus nipping off some of the little fishes fins. Once the RM left, we sprang into  action.  We saved the little goldfish and were keeping him safe in a separate cup, safe from the terror he was witnessing previously. Alas, poor little goldfish wouldn't be safe for long.


Some other guys that live on our floor, decided to come pay us a visit. We told them how we had valiantly saved the poor little goldfish from a horrible fate and expected them to commend us on our bravery. Here's where the murder comes in. I had turned my back to take something out of the oven while the guys were looking at the little fishy. When I turned back, I saw one of them (I'll call him Lucius because he's EVIL!) pick up the goldfish, and....
(pausing for effect)......
..................................
DROP THE LIVE GOLDFISH INTO HIS MOUTH!!!!!!!!! 
That's right ladies and gentleman, Lucius ATE MY GOLDFISH!!!! Just swallowed the poor little guy whole! I was so shocked, I nearly fainted. 


So, for future reference, don't keep men and goldfish in your apartment at the same time. NO GOOD WILL COME OF IT!!!!


Ambrosially yours,

paprika

Seriously??

Ok, well we're all back at good ol' College State University and already there has been much scandal! We live in an apartment complex barely off campus, so for all intents and purposes we live in a dorm. And next door to us, used to be these six guys that were insane, we heard many questionable things through the walls including singing, shrieking, screaming, ferocious growling, scratching (they would scratch the wall between our apartments late at night), and ninja yells. They were...interesting people. Fortunately, this semester a bunch of them left on missions, so we got three new men next door that just barely got off their missions. (I know what you're thinking, "fresh meat" right?)


Well, it is my theory that many of the girls on our floor (thank goodness none of the girls from our apartment) fell prey to either werewolves, mad cow, or were genetically altered into shark-women, because since these poor little RM's arrived it has been a veritable flirting frenzy. You can cut the hormone-crazed air with a knife, or anything else that can cut through air...


Us college babes that still have our sanity think it's rather pathetic, disturbing, and also ridiculously funny to watch. We figure, we'll keep our distance for now, be friendly, and let all the womarks (woman sharks? maybe sharkoman is better) tear each other to pieces before we make any kind of move on the eligible men next door. 


Do you guys have any advice to get the new men to notice how irresistibly gorgeous/smart/non-genetically altered/sane we are? We'd love to hear what you think!


Ambrosially yours, 

paprika

Scandal At The Corner

I made a stupid mistake that felt pretty good.

Matt and I were leaving class yesterday, but we were taking our dear sweet time about it. Which is another way of saying... we were completely alone...

All of the sudden I felt really lonely, all that I wanted was to feel close to another human being... and so.... I completely disgraced myself and  threw myself at Matt, wrapping myself around him completely kissing his neck all over.

And he put his hands on my waist and lifted me away, and said "Wow... you're amazing at what you do. I can't imagine how worth it you'd be if we save ourselves for marriage."

I guess he's one of those kissing over the alter only guys?

Then I had to hurry home and had the hardest time shoving my bicycle into my book bag, I was leaving to girls camp in a few hours. I have no idea why my ward thought it would be a good idea to have girls camp in the middle of the winter.

In the midst of packing, I was struck with peculiar fatigue and I had to lay down, and it was only then that I realized I was not at my house! I was at my grandparent's house! But I still had to sleep, and they had guest rooms. My cousin was being a brat and wouldn't let me take the nice bed though...

But I was tired.

So I washed my face in the sink in our bedroom, and all of the sudden a mini black bear just LEAPED into the sink where I was washing my face and begin splashing around! It touched it's paw to me, and my mind was filled with the thought that the bear just really wanted to get clean. It was so soft and friendly....

Soooo soft....

Sooo.... friendly......

And then I woke up. 

Yay for dreams in which I desecrate mine integrity. 

--Coriander

Woman Secrets

You know, I was looking at our stats, and ALL of our followers thus far are women! All five of them! Here's what I think: A few men would do well to follow a blog like this. I mean, it's like a window into the minds of HOT COLLEGE BABES. What more could you ask for?


So, to lure some more manly-types to our blog, I'll share a few secrets about women:


-We DO like it when you complement us. We DON'T like it when you complement our outfit. Well, it's not that we don't like it, it's just that it makes you seem a bit... fruity.

-We DO like it when you take pride in your appearance. We DON'T like it when you spend more time on your hair than we do. Not only does this also make you look like a fairy princess, it also makes you seem narcissistic. Also, only rarely is facial hair acceptable, and only if you take really, really good care of it.

-We DO like it when you make an effort to smell good. We DON'T like it when you bathe in cologne. We enjoy breathing.

-We DO like it when you talk about us to your friends. We DON'T like it when you talk about us like a piece of meat. Well, most of the time. There are women out there in this world that actually enjoy being objectified.

-We DO like it when you ask us how we're doing when it seems like we need it. We DON'T like it when you take "fine" for an answer. "Fine" almost never really means "fine."

-We DO like it when you treat us like your friend. We DON'T like it when you treat us like "one of the guys." A girl can only take being called "dude" so much.

There you have it, faithful readers, just a few insights into the complex-ish mind of a hot girl. For all the lady-readers out there, if you have anything to add, feel free to comment, and be sure to tell all your man-friends!

--Saffron

This post was brought to you by the letter K and the number 7

There was once a young blogger named Rikki
Whose hairspray became impossibly sticky.
With the world stuck to her hair,
Now her poor head is bare
And everyone thinks it looks ikky.

Undesirably Desirable

Remember how I just got dumped like moldy flat cakes by my ex boyfriend? Well guess what! I met this guy yesterday, and NOW WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!!!! I'd post pictures of the ring but that'd ruin this whole anonymity thing.

Just kidding, you should have seen your face, you totes believed me, didn't you? Hah hah... Joke's on you. Wait no. It's on me. It's got to be.

What is it about college guys? Or really any guys in general? Because it's like the second stupid Tim face dumped me, I'm getting a bit swamped. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for attention but...

It still stings guys! I really really genuinely liked Tim. We broke up like... only a week ago, a week and a half whatever. And it's hard not being with him and to feel so messed up. I feel so humiliated... this wasn't what was supposed to happen. It's hard to listen to songs now, because those songs were about him and I. And now only all the sad songs are about him and I... and sad songs bring me down. 

The point is, I went from being completely sure of this guy to nothing. I miss my best friend. I know things won't go back to how they were, and even though I know that the relationship was bad for me (remember that whole trashing Cori thing? Yeah...) I still miss my Tim. Well, not my Tim anymore.

Sorry about this whole depressing everything... but....

Now guys are twisted around all of my fingers! How did that happen?! It seems like some sort of warning sign has been lifted and there's all these eligible young men out there!

Examples include:

Jared, my home teacher. He's always been a bit flirtsy for a home teacher, but apparently now he has full license to get a ring on me like NOW!

Matt, that guy in one of my classes. We'd talked a little, and the semester ended, so game over, right? Just kidding! Wrong! The game has just begun.

Preston, read above. He's exactly like Matt except hotter.

Jason, the childhood lover. He's been on the sidelines my entire life, seeing as how we went to school together. He's not going to College State Uni., but some how he's found a way to make sure he's very much a part of my life, even if I don't want him to be. That whole "He's just like a brother to me", it's real, and attempted relationships in our past have been messy and weird. For me at least... he just doesn't see it yet. I have faith that he will some day.

I like guys, remember? I'm boy crazy.... but do you know what I mean when I say that I don't care about any of them right now?  I care for them, but though boys are my favorite food... I guess I'm just not hungry.

Has this ever happened to any of you? When does it get better? This kinda sucks. I want to be 'ready'....

Grateful that school is starting back up. I've missed Rikki and Saffron, we've been home for the holidays in our separate homes. Good to see family! Sad not to be with your Bee eff eff-eff-effs. Or however many it is. Shout out to you two! Yoo hoo!


Anyways... do you have any advice? Mmm thanks!



--Coriander

Just Say No!

Allergies: Everyone gets them, everyone hates them. Fortunately modern medicine has been working on compensating for this shortcoming in human anatomy for years, and we've developed all sorts of drugs to help. Such as Benadryl.


Bees: They fly around, collecting nectar and distributing pollen, not meaning anyone any harm. That is, of course, unless they're disturbed.


Me: Not allergic to bees. For future reference.


Once upon a time, I was in marching band. Actually, way more than ONCE upon a time... Anywho, it was band camp (I know what you're thinking, "this one time at band camp...") when it happened. We were setting drill on the field, I was carrying my clarinet as usual and minding my own business. A well-meaning bee was flying along, also minding its own business, and decided it was tired and needed somewhere to sit down and take a rest. Fortunately, I apparently have very soft, comfortable hands and the bee decided that would be a nice place to sit down.


I don't have a problem with bees! I don't! I wouldn't mind at all if a well meaning bee decided to come sit on my finger. Unfortunately, this particular bee startled me and also managed to get in the way of my fingers as I played, so I attempted to brush the bee off. This startled the bee, who stung me and flew away. Up to this point, I had managed to go my entire life without being stung by a bee, so I had no idea whether or not I was allergic to bees. Fortunately there was a well meaning mellophone player who WAS allergic to bees and offered to stab me with his epi-pen, but I opted for the Benadryl option. I've always had kind of a weird reaction to Benadryl, but this time was something special. See, he decided that, just to be safe, he should give me TWO.


(DISCLAIMER: The following passage may contain indirect drug references. Do not try anything mentioned in this post.)


Benadryl, I learned, causes me to hallucinate. Badly. Not, like, pink-elephant hallucinations, that would have been enjoyable. These were fractured-reality hallucinations. It was like I was stuck in the weird limbo between waking and sleeping, where nothing is quite right and it's sort of terrifying. I sprawled on the grass next to the field and tripped out for a while. I thought Rikki's dad, who was a scruffy-looking man with a ponytail, was a guy I liked at the time, who looked like a 12 year old. I thought it was 5:00 in the afternoon when in reality it was like noon. But there was one thought that managed to stay afloat on the drug induced confusion was this:


"The trumpets are out of tune."


So, moral of the story, don't do drugs. Even if it makes you have perfect pitch for a while.

--Saffron

My "Come Hither" Shirt

nerd
NOUN

• offensive term: an offensive term that deliberately insults somebody's physical appearance or social skills     ( slang insult )
• single-minded enthusiast: somebody who is considered to be excessively interested in a subject or activity that is regarded as too technical or scientific ( often used in combination; offensive in some contexts )
• ridiculously good looking: usually very shy, adorable, and more often than not turn out to be really good kissers. 

That is the official definition for nerd. I'm serious, this is what google tels you when you type in "definition of nerd". I did not alter any point of this definition, so obviously it is a proven fact that nerds are superior to other men in many ways. Which is why I am proud to say that I only date nerdy men. I just can't resist a tall gangly man with glasses and a sweet pair of Chuck Taylor's. I tried dating a few men that weren't nerds, and I can say from experience that a nerdy man will treat you better, love you more, and kiss a whole lot better than any other kind of man. It's the truth. I promise. 

One of the best things about nerdy guys though, is how easy it is to get them to notice you. Other guys you have to do stupid things like giggle uncontrollably, constantly comment on their musculature, and touch them a lot. With a nerd, all you have to do is put on some type of slightly nerdy outfit, talk about star trek, and you have them eating out of the palm of your hand. 

I have one shirt, that surpasses all others in its effectiveness to get a nerdy guy to hit on me. It works every single time. I found this amazing shirt at Wal-Mart. It's white, looks like one of those eye test posters and says N is for Nerd with a picture of some sexy nerdy glasses at the bottom. I know it sounds dumb, but I swear this shirt has some magical powers. And once I pair it with the 3D glasses I stole from the movie theater (I cut the lenses out so they look like they could be real glasses) and I'm a nerd magnet. 

The first time I wore this shirt around campus, I had five guys come talk to me. Once, just for fun I wore it to the grocery store and tried to see how many nerdy guys I could get to talk to me. Six. And one of them, bless his nerdy heart, kept following me around the store like a lost puppy. 

Moral of the story: Nerds are sexy. Except for creepy mouth-breathers. With neck beards. 

paprika

Weakness

I. Am. An intellect. At least I like to think I am. So please, understand that my weaknesses are completely out of character for me!

Examples of my strong will and character? I have read all of those fancy books, ranging from Grapes of Crap to that one poem that one guy wrote who is pretty famous and the poem is pretty long... to a book called "Landsford Hasting's Guide to Callifornia and Oregon". I have read all of those books, cover to cover, and in just a few days (maybe today?) I will have finished reading the Old Testament.

I am very organized, I can not sleep in a room that is messy. I'm like Psych. I see things, and I remember them. Maybe not photographically, but I remember where they are. So if you want to know where the user manual to my broken cordless mouse is? I can tell you! Even though I haven't ever used it. (It's in my bookshelf drawer with all my scrapbooking junk.)

I love good music and am perfectly fine listening to an Orchestra perform every song from the opera "Carmen" in one sitting. 

I'm also like Psych in the sense that when I see a cockroach, I tell myself "I can't eat that."

I laugh at nerdy jokes. I laughed for so long when someone in my math class called someone the derivative of acceleration. PRICELESS! I can speak politics and hold my own in a debate. When I was 9, I wanted a cellphone, my parents didn't want to get me one, so I wrote a 25 page essay explaining why they should get me a cellphone. And guess what? I got one!

All that being said... I am NOT one of those girls. You know the kind. They have their phone permanently glued to their hand, teeth that shine with the light of a thousand LED light bulbs, their noses perpetually turned up... but in a way... I am like them. I have the same weaknesses as them. And those weaknesses are...

The Bachelor

The Bachelorette

The Bachelor Pad

Jersey Shore
Gerbera daisies and the color pink

Any show having to do with weddings ever
Taylor Swift
Fro-Yo

Pretty Little Liars

America's Next Top Model

How could this have happened to me?! I love those shows more than I love... cake. Yes. More. Than. I. Love. Cake. *Note: I don't even love cake.*

There you have it. My head is forever hung in shame.

--Coriander

When I was Young...

I've always been the baby. I'm the oldest out of three girls in my family, but I was always a bit of shrimp, and these days even my 12-year-old sister's pants are too big for me. Plus then when I was in kindergarten, I skipped a grade. I always tell people it was because I was so marvelously intelligent, but my mother and teachers say it's because I wasn't challenged enough, so I finished my work faster than the rest of the children and then talked to them and distracted them. Apparently I was a discipline problem.

Anywho, it's always amusing to watch what being a year younger than my peers does. Sometimes people completely disregard me because I'm such a little child, and sometimes people turn to me because they realize how sharp I am. And I don't mean turn to me because they look up to me, I mean turn to me because they realize that if they pick me for their group project for a class, I'll do all the work and they can just goof off.

By far, however, the most enjoyment I get out of this is when it comes to boys. Oh come on, you knew it was coming. We're hot college girls, of course we're going to talk about boys all the time! And, even MORE entertaining, MEN. When I first started college, I ran into a lot of men. In classes, on the bus, walking around campus... And, since I am a hot college girl, I got hit on quite a bit. I remember a conversation I had with a guy in my Physics class on the first day. It went somewhere along these lines:

Guy: Hey, so Physics, right? This is going to be a drag...
Me: Haha, I think it should be great! I freaking love science! (Yes, I know what you're thinking, readers. Don't judge me just because I love math and science more than my own parents.)
Guy: You do, huh? Well, maybe we should get together and form a... study group... (wiggles eyebrows)
Me: (thinking he actually means study) That could be good...

This went on for a bit, with me being totally oblivious and Physics Guy being somewhat creepy. Then the conversation turned to age somehow, he mentioned that he was 27, and I mentioned that I was a bit of an anomaly when it came to age too, so Guy asks, "Oh, uh... How old ARE you?" And I said, "Oh, I'm 17." Watching the change on Physics Guy's face was... priceless. It was the I-Almost-Went-To-Jail expression.

Needless to say, I never talked to Physics Guy again.

--Saffron

Why I Came Home With Leopard Print Panties

Tonight was a night of celebration. All us College Babes got together for a late Christmas-ish party, where many exciting things happened. Firstly, our blog has it's first official follower!! Congratulations to Jaycie Leishman!!! You my dear get a gold star!! Secondly, our blog also received it's first comment!! Congrats this time to Michelle Buettner, you get a shiny smiley face. Or a high five. Your call. 


Also tonight we carried on a sacred  tradition that we have been practicing for years. This tradition originated back when we were still wee young things that all played in our high school's band together. I (Rikki) had arrived late and was already flustered, but when I opened my instrument case I was completely flabbergasted. There, laid elegantly across my instrument was a pair of bright orange panties. This was when we were all still young enough that talking about panties was greatly embarrassing, so to find some just sitting in my clarinet case was very shocking. Very shocking indeed precious...


I was pulled out of my state of shock by the sound of hysterical giggling  from behind me, coming of course from Cori and Saffron. Part of my innocence was lost that day, but a glorious tradition was born and now every Christmas we celebrate our friendship with fancy underpants. Isn't being a girl just fabulous?


We were also celebrating the return of the TV show Pretty Little Liars. A glorious work of entertainment with an amazing plot, well-rounded characters, and intense dramatic scenes. Oh wait,it doesn't have any of that! PLL is probably the biggest waste of time available on television (that's even taking trash like Jersey Shore and Bridalplasty into consideration) but it's entertaining in an inexplainable way. Kind of like that car commercial on youtube where the cat gets it's head cut off by a sunroof. 


Thanks again for reading!
Ambrosially yours,

paprika

Sting, and not the famous singer guy

I've realized beak ups kinda suck. No matter what. It doesn't matter which end you are on, breaking, or being broken, they suck. 

Saffron's  dumped her guy... though Rikki and I might have to say that this probably was for the best.... You can do better Saffron! You WILL do better! Stay strong!

I had a kinda boyfriend. Though looking back now, it kinda makes me kinda sick to say he was even a kinda boyfriend. I guess maybe I don't have that much experience in real relationships but... 

This guy was kinda my best friend. Even before we started dating. (Oh, his name is Tim by the way...) Tim had a girlfriend when we met, and they were just not good for each other. I worked really hard to break them up. I just wanted to Tim to be happy. And lo and behold, they BROKE UP! And the next second I found my face stuck on Tim's face.

He rebounds really fast.

And he told me he loved me. So that kinda sounds like we're kinda boyfriend and girlfriend now, right? 

This lasted for just a few months. Over Christmas break I was texting him, and he kinda told me he kinda doesn't feel the same way anymore. And that was the last I've heard of him.

Break up through a text?! Really?!?!?!? 

Now looking back, I should probably have realized that the end was near. Let's look at it like this!

• We'd never been on a date together. Except that one time I asked him to a YSA dance. But other than that, he never asked me on dates. The only time we were together is if a bunch of our friends were getting together for a movie. And then the communication was minimized to... uh... well sucking face.
• After a break up, what do you do? Ok, well you cry for a while, but then you talk to your friends! Get some comfort! Well turns out there was a lot I didn't know about Tim. Apparently he was something of a big talker, and loooooved to tell everyone how annoying I was and how he couldn't get me to leave him alone. (Ohhhh... Ouch!) I guess I should have listened when people told me he was bad for me....

Ok, now to cut him some slack... I guess if you're secretly macking a girl who you really actually have no interest in, other than the taste of her Dr. Pepper chapstick.... if she keeps texting you and trying to find ways to spend time with you, that's pretty annoying? Right?


What I don't get is why he didn't just tell me in the first place

So here you have it guys. If you break up with a girl... don't do it through text. It stings.

And if you use a girl for several months as a NCMO, don't be surprised when she writes a nasty blog post about you. 

Dear Tim, You're stupid and your hair is dumb and your face looks dumb when you sing and you should brush your teeth more often and you're dumb and no one likes you.

The end.

(Wow, that feels pretty good.)  

Coriander

Hot Men and Ninja Adventures

I had a boyfriend, once... Like, as in, about four hours ago. Yeah, I decided that I was tired of being property. He was holding me back! But enough about that.


It's amazing how much you start noticing attractive men when you KNOW it's time to break up. I'll only tell you about a significant few, though.


First off: There's the Friend's Hot Brother scenario. I have a friend who has a brother who was on a mission. Now his brother is no longer on a mission. And before his brother got back from his mission, I was joking with my (former) boyfriend about how when he got back I was going to fall for Hot Brother and totally leave him. But... here's the thing... Hot Brother got back from his mission over Christmas break and I walked into school the first day back and HOLY MANOLEY. That man is NOT. UGLY. Like, I-can't-take-my-eyes-off-him-when-he's-around-not-ugly. I think I have a crush on him, which is awesome, because I haven't had a crush for like years. (This includes, Mr. Ex, by the way. Good news for our relationship.) And, loveliest of days, it turns out Hot Brother is in my kempo karate class! This promises to be a very exciting semester.


Then there's the other guy: Customer at Work Guy. There was a customer that came in to the cleaners where I work a while back and was SO nice to me. He was Hispanic and had an attractive accent, but he kept telling me how kind and helpful I was and asked me my name. This was a few months ago. He'd come in a few times since then and was super nice every time, and yesterday he came in again to pick up his cleaning, and he told me he'd like to be friends, and asked me for my number. At this point, I was still dating Mr. Ex, but I was having second and eighth and thirtieth thoughts, but I blathered for a bit and finally came up with, "Ehh, well, ummmmm... I don't... have a... cell phone." Then I felt super retarded and went back in. I texted Mr. Ex, who was whining about how jealous he was of every other male that I talked to and told him that I HADN'T given Work Guy my number. But then I thought about it... And I went and wrote my number down on a scrap of paper and ran out just in time to catch him driving away. I handed him my number and he smiled and drove away. I felt proud of myself for being adventurous, and then later that night I broke up with Mr. Ex.


So, there you have it, my super exciting adventures in Men! I'll be sure to notify you about any exciting updates.

--Saffron

That time I was a hobo in Vegas

I think that I do an alright job of not following fads like a fat dog follows an ice cream truck. It's not like I dress like I'm from the Great Depression or anything... thought that does seem to be a fad these days... but I have a particular style and I like to stick with it.

That style consists of jeans and a t-shirt. There was a time when I would NOT wear t-shirts that touched my neck too hard (that sounds a lot weirder typed out...) and I wouldn't wear t-shirts with screen print on them... but now I'm ok with that.

I forgot where the heck I'm going with this.

Oh! Right! Living where we live, it's ok to walk around wearing jeans and a t, and whatever shoes you want to wear. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing flip flops with fabric tied around them, but if you want to wear them? That's ok! Because anything goes here. 

I went to Vegas over the break. It was more like... "Hey Vegas! I'm just passing through here, won't be long, would you pick up some butter? Thanks!" So I didn't exactly pack up all my fancy stripper clothes. Because I totally have a closet full of stripper clothes. (Aren't all clothes stripper clothes, really?)

But there is something to be said about the experience of walking the strip wearing baggy jeans, an old AE t-shirt, and Toms that are full of holes. Oh, and also, I had spent all day in a car so my hair was a bit crazy and I walked with legs that say "I've been in a car all day".

If you wear clothes like that in my home town, it's cool! Actually it seems people pay big bucks to look like a hobo here. But the thing is if you wear clothes like that in Vegas... people might actually think you are a hobo.

They don't give money to hobos in Vegas. 

Also, there is something to be said about bringing your luggage to the hotel in Vegas! My hotel was on the Strip, so of course you had to walk through a casino to get to where you're going. So here I am. Little 18 year old girl. Pink duffel bag. Holding tight to a teddy bear and a blanket. Mmmmm I was sure to be getting some booty calls that night! 

Some people just aren't born for Vegas. 


Coriander

Man of 1,000 Pick-Up-Lines

Pick-up lines are something I've never really understood much. I understand that a guy has to say something to start a conversation, but can't they just say "Hi. I'm Dave" or "Hola, mi nombre es Dave" (it's pronounced Da-vay in the second one). Men have this dire need to seem intelligent and witty, but in my opinion pick-up lines just prove you're lazy and unoriginal. Most guys just use one, or two if they're desperate, but I recently met a man who I kid you not- only spoke in pick-up lines. 

I was just relaxing at home one day when a family friend knocked on my front door accompanied by a tall, fairly attractive young man. The family friend, a very nice older lady, had decided that I needed to meet her Grandson who was visiting from out of town. It was some holiday or other and there was going to be a big fireworks display that night, and she invited me to enjoy the night spectacular with her and her tall, fairly attractive grandson Jake. Not about to turn down an enjoyable night of flirting (one of the things I'm best at), I heartily agreed to go.

We arrived at her house, and Jake had yet to speak a word. Once we were free from the supervision of his grandmother- he surprised me with the phrase, "Is your name Virtue?". I thought he was an idiot, I had been introduced to him not five minutes before and he'd already forgotten my name! I replied "No...It's Rikki remember?" (I usually go by Rikki, it's less...spicy than Paprika)He looked at me like I was stupid and said "Oh, I thought your name was Virtue...because you've been garnishing my thoughts unceasingly!"

Oy....Vay...

And that wasn't even close to the worst!! I honestly don't believe that he said anything to me the entire night that wasn't a pick up line! 

I told him I wasn't very hungry because I had a big lunch. He said "Did you have Lucky Charms? because you look magically delcious."

We walked past a mirror and he stopped and said "Wouldn't we look cute on top of a wedding cake together?"

I was trying to talk about something, anything but pick up lines and he said "If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"

I gave up on trying to have a real conversation and he asked me if I wanted to hear a story. He must have mistaken my look of dispair for a look of eagerness because he proceeded to take my hands, open them up and put his fists in them. "These turtles" he said " are both stranded on different islands, and there are sharks between them. Isn't that sad?" I nodded. He began moving his hands up my arms saying, "The turtles found a hidden bridge that led them both to a magical land" By the time he finished, his hands were behind my neck, he started slowly pulling my head closer to his and said "So...do you still want to talk about turtles?" He didn't even give me time to respond, or Roundhouse kick him in the face before he spouted his next gem. "Rikki there's something in your eye." When I moved to touch my eye he said "Oh wait, it was just a sparkle".

Thank goodness he finally shut up once the fireworks started, otherwise he would have been murdered with the plastic knife I had stolen from the table. I left as soon as the fireworks were over, barely pausing to even say goodbye. 

I had barely gotten home when I got a text from Jake,who had stolen my phone earlier saying that something was wrong with it because his number wasn't in it.

It said "Thank goodness I bumped into you tonight, now I get to tell all my friends that I was touched by an angel." 

My brain exploded. I woke up six months later in a hospital in Nicaragua. Jake woke up the next day in the bottom of a ditch. 

So it goes.

Paprika 

Add some Coriander!

Hey everyone! My name is Coriander, but I prefer to go by Cori. I am 18. I guess that's all you really need to know! Mmmmk bye!


Nah for real. I'm 18, I'm going to College State University, I LOVE IT! I really like the color pink these days, but it'll probably change tomorrow. I have been skiing 3 times in my life, and this Winter we'll make it 4 times. I hate anything banana flavored, especially artificial banana. And if you like it, well I'm sorry. You are just a sad sad person. I'm above the average of average height, but that doesn't mean I'm above average height. I'm just taller than your average person. I'm trying the hardest I can to grow my hair out, but it doesn't grow. Ever. I like writing. I like reading, but not when forced to do it. I like soft acoustic music. I like having my fingernails polished. I like being in band. I like playing the piano. I'm the oldest in my family, I have a little brother and sister. I have two parents and several plants.
I love boys. I think I might be boy crazy... I don't really know. But here you are, reading my blog... and I'm gonna write about boys. I'll probably write about other things too, but you will sure get to read what I think about the guys I date and the guys I don't date. So that's me.
Oh also I don't like writing intros, so... the end.

P-P-Paprika!

It's no secret, I really stink at introductions like this. Also, it's no secret that there are countless other blogs out there that are most certainly more educational/informative/factual though not necessarily more entertaining than the one you are currently reading. Yet here we are, amid poor introductions, pointless blogs, and idiotic humanoids of the male gender. Also radishes. So it goes.


If you have decided that you would rather read this than spill goulash (smirk)on your new galoshes(double smirk), then there are just a few things you should know about me.

• I am a girl. A female. A woman if you will, and as such, most of what is written here will be pertaining to boys. Males. Men...if you will.
• I suffer from Yappydevildogaphobia. The fear of chihuahuas. 
• I have a slight fetish that involves anything or anyone that originated in Asia.
• I adore fizzy Skittles and sour Starbursts.
• I am currently a student at College State University along with my two pals Coriander and Saffron.
• I currently love College State University and my two pals Coriander and Saffron.
• I am very small. When I want to feel big I buy large clothes from the little girls section instead of extra small clothes from the juniors section.
• I have a dog with a turtle's name and a fish with a dog's name. (don't ask, it's a really long story)
• I am tired of writing this list.

There you have it. Me in a nutshell. Hopefully a walnut shell, it seems the roomiest.

I look forward to all of the things that writing and reading this blog will entail and remain ambrosially yours,

Paprika

Intro: Saffron

Hello hello, from the wonderfully twisted mind of Saffron! I sincerely hope you enjoy reading the contributions of myself and my two very best friends Coriander and Paprika.


I am a freshman at College State University myself, 18 years of age and very slightly below average height-wise, but other than that I consider myself sufficiently proportional. I skipped a grade early on in my education, so I've always been younger than my cohorts. Add to that the fact that I would (with good reason, I should hope) consider myself above average intellectually and you get a bit of a different personality than your run-of-the-mill college freshman. But then again, I don't think anyone can be considered "normal" because there isn't really such a thing.


I have total commitment issues, so it make it hard to keep things like a blog up, but that's why I have my two BFF's-forever helping me out on this one, giving me a good ol' kick in the pants every once in a while. I really do enjoy writing, it's just tough to maintain.


I'm into music, science, small-scale diplomacy, and computer-ing. Not, like, legit computer stuff, mainly just messing about with graphic art or things like that.


Currently, I am the proud owner of two parents, two younger sisters, two cats, and one boyfriend. You thought I was going to say two boyfriends, didn't you? You rogue, you. I tried that. It blew up in my face. Wouldn't recommend it.


Anyways, that's about it for me! I look forward to getting to know you! Or rather... you getting to know me, because that's how blogs work.


--Saffron

A spicy dish

Hey everyone! We are the three who write this blog. Cori, Paprika, and Saffron. Just a little about us as a whole.

We met in high school, and it figures that the three girls with spices for names would wind up being the best of friends. Sometimes things like that just happen. And fortune had it that post graduation, we all moved in together and started attending College State University.

Now, for the sake of all that is good, we hope to maintain privacy. Thus names have been changed. Except for College State University, we really actually attend that school, and are all majoring in Water with a double minor in Classical Greek and Interpretive Dance.

We would like to inform you from the start, that all of the stories told in this blog are "based" on actual events. How loosely these things are based is for us to know and the world to ponder for years to come. In any case, we hope you enjoy our antics and promise to try to keep things mostly realistic. We are girls, that are college freshman so we tend to blow things out of proportion just a little bit.