Alright. We're girls. And we like certain guys more than certain other guys. Rikki and Saffron and I have happened ourselves upon a nice bunch of specimen, and we were looking forward to hanging out this weekend! However... they had a campout. Yeah. LAME. For us at least, it's probably super fun for them.
So Thursday, I could see the weekend was coming up really soon, and I had to come up with something to do! Enter: Institute man. Also known as Luke.
Luke has been making eyes at me all semester. But... I dunno. I just get this vibe from him that he's not my type. But I don't want to judge fast, so I give him a chance. He sat by me on Thursday, and we got talking before class started.
Within 3 minutes of talking, he told me he lives with his parents, and he recited an entire children's book. From memory. Uh... alright! Whatever! There's lots of guys in the world, why do I have to pick the one that recited the kiddie book to me? Remember the fine specimen?
After class he asked me on a date for Friday night. Hey! Something to do this weekend while fine specimen are camping! So I said yes.
Ladies and Gentlemen.... what comes next is something very shallow of me, something I never do.
One of the fine specimen texted me and told me that the camp out was cancelled. And they really wanted to hang out with Rikki and Saff and I this weekend.
I couldn't let my roomies have all the fun.
So.
I lied to Luke. I told him that family came in town, my Grandparents from Texas showed up out of no where, and were really looking forward to taking me to dinner that night. Sorry Luke... I'm going to have to cancel.
I had fun with Rikki and Saffron and fine specimen.... I don't regret making the choice to spend time with them instead of Luke... but I feel like such a jerk.
Next person to ask me on a date, no matter WHAT book they recite, I will go.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Date Nite...
So, just got back from my first date with Hot Brother!
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
...right?
Oh Hot Brother... Why do you have to be so hot? Why do you have to be so hot, so smooth, and such a player? Why must you test drive women like cars?
Oh Saffron... WHY ARE YOU SO FOOLISH? Why do you insist on ignoring your better judgement when it comes to men? Why do you have to be so attractive, but apparently only to men who you would rather not be attracted to you?
OK, I'm making it sound a lot worse than it is. In all reality, it was a really great date. First he took me to an art exhibit, which was tons of fun. I love art. Then we went to a cute little fifties-looking ice cream shop soda fountain type deal which was also tons of fun AND I got pistachio ice cream (a.k.a. "nectar of the gods") out of it. Then I decided to show him an awesome park where you can go right to the edge and look out over the whole city. That park has the most beautiful view, especially at night when the city is all lit up and sparkly. Most romantic thing ever and he didn't even try to kiss me. But here's why...
Since we last spoke, Mr. Ex and I had a horrible, awful falling out that resulted in me realizing just how much denial I was in and left me once again repeatedly facepalming at the thought of my own stupidity. But along comes Hot Brother, and hot and sensitive. Well, sensitive-ish. It's the kind of sensitive that makes you think, "Aww, you're just like something out of a Lifetime Original Movie..." The kind of sensitive that says things like, "You're always welcome in these arms." Wow, very convincing, Hot Brother. As if I can't see right through your act. That's right, folks. He's one of Those Guys. Spies a fair maiden, a damsel in distress... Throws on his shining armor, leaps to the rescue. Ah, grateful maiden swoons over his hotness and they kiss dramatically. Happy ever after. Well, unless for some reason the grateful maiden for some reason finds it necessary to pause in the middle of their dramatic kiss to ask just how many fair maidens the aforementioned knight had kissed in the last, say, month since he got back from his crusade. And the handsome knight replies with a very romantic and reassuring statement of, "Well... er... uh... um... Three. Four, including yourself. Ahem."
REALLY, HOT KNIGHT?! REALLY?! I suppose you can just add another notch on the bejeweled hilt of your enchanted sword and write me off, eh? Well I've got news for you, pal! I'm no damsel in distress, no sir! I'm a distressing damsel! (Hot Brother's words, actually. Hee hee. I mean, uh, grrrr.)
Anyways, so the fair maiden gave the hot knight a stern lecture and told him he went about it the proper way or no way at all, so he took her out on a proper date and didn't kiss her on the first date, even though he wanted to and she kinda wanted him to but NOT REALLY. Um. Curses.
Moral of the story: We need more dragons in these parts. Without natural predators, gallant knights will overpopulate the land and upset the balance of nature. There aren't enough fair maidens in the world if each gallant knight needs FOUR.
--Saffron
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
...right?
Oh Hot Brother... Why do you have to be so hot? Why do you have to be so hot, so smooth, and such a player? Why must you test drive women like cars?
Oh Saffron... WHY ARE YOU SO FOOLISH? Why do you insist on ignoring your better judgement when it comes to men? Why do you have to be so attractive, but apparently only to men who you would rather not be attracted to you?
OK, I'm making it sound a lot worse than it is. In all reality, it was a really great date. First he took me to an art exhibit, which was tons of fun. I love art. Then we went to a cute little fifties-looking ice cream shop soda fountain type deal which was also tons of fun AND I got pistachio ice cream (a.k.a. "nectar of the gods") out of it. Then I decided to show him an awesome park where you can go right to the edge and look out over the whole city. That park has the most beautiful view, especially at night when the city is all lit up and sparkly. Most romantic thing ever and he didn't even try to kiss me. But here's why...
Since we last spoke, Mr. Ex and I had a horrible, awful falling out that resulted in me realizing just how much denial I was in and left me once again repeatedly facepalming at the thought of my own stupidity. But along comes Hot Brother, and hot and sensitive. Well, sensitive-ish. It's the kind of sensitive that makes you think, "Aww, you're just like something out of a Lifetime Original Movie..." The kind of sensitive that says things like, "You're always welcome in these arms." Wow, very convincing, Hot Brother. As if I can't see right through your act. That's right, folks. He's one of Those Guys. Spies a fair maiden, a damsel in distress... Throws on his shining armor, leaps to the rescue. Ah, grateful maiden swoons over his hotness and they kiss dramatically. Happy ever after. Well, unless for some reason the grateful maiden for some reason finds it necessary to pause in the middle of their dramatic kiss to ask just how many fair maidens the aforementioned knight had kissed in the last, say, month since he got back from his crusade. And the handsome knight replies with a very romantic and reassuring statement of, "Well... er... uh... um... Three. Four, including yourself. Ahem."
REALLY, HOT KNIGHT?! REALLY?! I suppose you can just add another notch on the bejeweled hilt of your enchanted sword and write me off, eh? Well I've got news for you, pal! I'm no damsel in distress, no sir! I'm a distressing damsel! (Hot Brother's words, actually. Hee hee. I mean, uh, grrrr.)
Anyways, so the fair maiden gave the hot knight a stern lecture and told him he went about it the proper way or no way at all, so he took her out on a proper date and didn't kiss her on the first date, even though he wanted to and she kinda wanted him to but NOT REALLY. Um. Curses.
Moral of the story: We need more dragons in these parts. Without natural predators, gallant knights will overpopulate the land and upset the balance of nature. There aren't enough fair maidens in the world if each gallant knight needs FOUR.
--Saffron
Monday, January 31, 2011
Mmmmm...Shirtless Boys!
So, a new semester always means new friends, new men, and new adventures! And last night I had one of the most exciting adventures of my life!!! Remember the jerks that ate my goldfish? Well I was over in their apartment the other night and we were bored. We had just finished watching a movie, and were desperately trying to find something to do with our lives. I've already stated that these boys are not the sharpest cookies in the lamp, but sometimes they surpass dumb and go straight to idiocy. Here's how the discussion went;
"Dude...I'm so bored"
"Dude.....Let's do something crazy!"
"....we could go jump in the dam up the canyon"
"Dude, that water's got to be so cold!...LET'S DO IT"
And obviously I had no choice. Six mainly attractive men that would soon be shirtless-I just had to go too, that's what college is all about! So I scampered home, changed into my very-cute-but-not-too-slutty swimsuit and braced myself for the "Polar Plunge"
Once we arrived at the Dam that we would be jumping into, I got cold feet. (Hee-hee punny right?) There was snow on the ground. And ice chunks in the water, and we were going to be leaping off a bridge into frigid black death. The men, no doubt trying to seem macho and tough in front of a super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot college babe like me, all jumped fearlessly into the water, where they were diminished into screeching, shrieking ninnies. I was left by myself, on a bridge, eight feet above the coldest, blackest water in the world. After much coercion, and many promises that if I started drowning, they would save me, I finally jumped off the bridge into the frozen void.
If you've never jumped into a freezing lake in the middle of January, or been stranded in a blizzard on the planet Hoth, you have no idea how cold I was once I hit the water. I felt like every inch of me was being stabbed, squeezed, and smacked simultaneously. I couldn't even scream I was so cold, all I could do was frantically thrash my way to the shore and let the men pull me up. I guess I looked pretty frozen because immediately the most attractive of the men, Jason, wrapped a towel around my shoulders and hugged me until I stopped shaking.
If you have never been warmed by the bare chest of a sexy man, you are seriously missing out. It is one of the most blissful experiences you can have. I suggest that you immediately find a man, rip his shirt off and snuggle on up. It can help cure cancer, and make you feel all snuggly warm inside!
Ambrosially Yours,
"Dude...I'm so bored"
"Dude.....Let's do something crazy!"
"....we could go jump in the dam up the canyon"
"Dude, that water's got to be so cold!...LET'S DO IT"
And obviously I had no choice. Six mainly attractive men that would soon be shirtless-I just had to go too, that's what college is all about! So I scampered home, changed into my very-cute-but-not-too-slutty swimsuit and braced myself for the "Polar Plunge"
Once we arrived at the Dam that we would be jumping into, I got cold feet. (Hee-hee punny right?) There was snow on the ground. And ice chunks in the water, and we were going to be leaping off a bridge into frigid black death. The men, no doubt trying to seem macho and tough in front of a super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot college babe like me, all jumped fearlessly into the water, where they were diminished into screeching, shrieking ninnies. I was left by myself, on a bridge, eight feet above the coldest, blackest water in the world. After much coercion, and many promises that if I started drowning, they would save me, I finally jumped off the bridge into the frozen void.
If you've never jumped into a freezing lake in the middle of January, or been stranded in a blizzard on the planet Hoth, you have no idea how cold I was once I hit the water. I felt like every inch of me was being stabbed, squeezed, and smacked simultaneously. I couldn't even scream I was so cold, all I could do was frantically thrash my way to the shore and let the men pull me up. I guess I looked pretty frozen because immediately the most attractive of the men, Jason, wrapped a towel around my shoulders and hugged me until I stopped shaking.
If you have never been warmed by the bare chest of a sexy man, you are seriously missing out. It is one of the most blissful experiences you can have. I suggest that you immediately find a man, rip his shirt off and snuggle on up. It can help cure cancer, and make you feel all snuggly warm inside!
Ambrosially Yours,
paprika
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
...I got better....
After some time being mopey and pathetic and junk like that, I up and got better. Don't know how I did it.
Yeah. Break ups suck. But hey. I'm going to College State University! It rocks! I have awesome roommates/BFFLOLOMGROFLTTYL!!!! and life is actually pretty good. Looking back? It stings. But yeh know, that'll probably be there for a while. But there is far too much good out there to pity myself over a breakup with a guy who was a jerk-face anyways. I've got better things to do.
And those things come in the shape of fresh meat at family home evening. It's a new semester. It never really really occurred to me that this also meant new people in my ward. Rikki and Saffron were busy studying last night, so I headed out to FHE by myself.
I don't know why I went really... they were playing volley ball. And I'm not a sports girl and our ward is SUPER competitive. I was destined to get hit in the head with the ball more than 5 times. So I hung out off court most of the time and hit things up cheerleader style.
And this got me some good attention. I met this new guy. His name is Dan. And he is foine. Yeah so I met him last night and....
You guessed it! I got myself a date.
Wow Cori? Gettin yourself a date an hour after meeting a guy? Not bad.
I'm back in the game fellas. Look out.
~Coriander
Thursday, January 20, 2011
BOY UPDATE TIME!
Everyone's favorite thing ever! Now, you'll recall earlier when I mentioned all those guys that interesting things happened with/around. And I told you I'd keep you updated!
First off, there's Mr. Ex. Yeah, he's still around. I thought I could be all cool and be like, "Oh yeah! Sure! We can still be friends, because we're extra super cool people!" Well NOPE! We couldn't JUST be friends. My friend with the hot brother (we'll get to Hot Brother later...) referred to me and Mr. Ex as "uhh... really close... touchy-friends?" So yeah, we can still be friends! If friends are people who kiss each other as they leave for work, hold hands when they're walking down the hall, and put their arms around each other as they're sitting next to each other. And I don't even like this guy! I really don't! That's why I broke up with him! It's super frustrating and I finally just got so tired of it. I'm going to try avoiding him for a while. Which should be pretty easy when he goes on a road trip next week. (Phew!)
Work Guy? Never saw or heard from him again.
And THEN there's Hot Brother. Turns out, he transferred out of my karate class. So did my friend, whose brother he is. Sad day, I don't know anyone in that class. But I do still see Hot Brother around, no fear! He's in the band with me still. I see him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I even exchanged words with him the other day! I was sitting through rehearsal, and I was having SUCH a hard time concentrating, my brain felt super fuzzy and weird. Then after rehearsal was over, I was putting my instrument away and Mr. Ex came up to give me a hug. Mr. Ex says, "Whoa, you're really hot..." I sort of glared and him for a minute until he said, "No, I mean I think you have a fever..." Then I decided to give up on being upright and sort of slumped to the ground. I shuffled my way out to grab my stuff and go to work, and Mr. Ex was kind of half-dragging me. We walked past Hot Brother right as I moaned, "I'm dying..." And then Hot Brother said, "Aww, don't die. That wouldn't be good." I swooned a little bit and Mr. Ex muttered, "Like he would even care..." Then I smacked him.
Another update on Hot Brother: He finally got a facebook page so I could facebook stalk him. FTW.
--Saffron
First off, there's Mr. Ex. Yeah, he's still around. I thought I could be all cool and be like, "Oh yeah! Sure! We can still be friends, because we're extra super cool people!" Well NOPE! We couldn't JUST be friends. My friend with the hot brother (we'll get to Hot Brother later...) referred to me and Mr. Ex as "uhh... really close... touchy-friends?" So yeah, we can still be friends! If friends are people who kiss each other as they leave for work, hold hands when they're walking down the hall, and put their arms around each other as they're sitting next to each other. And I don't even like this guy! I really don't! That's why I broke up with him! It's super frustrating and I finally just got so tired of it. I'm going to try avoiding him for a while. Which should be pretty easy when he goes on a road trip next week. (Phew!)
Work Guy? Never saw or heard from him again.
And THEN there's Hot Brother. Turns out, he transferred out of my karate class. So did my friend, whose brother he is. Sad day, I don't know anyone in that class. But I do still see Hot Brother around, no fear! He's in the band with me still. I see him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I even exchanged words with him the other day! I was sitting through rehearsal, and I was having SUCH a hard time concentrating, my brain felt super fuzzy and weird. Then after rehearsal was over, I was putting my instrument away and Mr. Ex came up to give me a hug. Mr. Ex says, "Whoa, you're really hot..." I sort of glared and him for a minute until he said, "No, I mean I think you have a fever..." Then I decided to give up on being upright and sort of slumped to the ground. I shuffled my way out to grab my stuff and go to work, and Mr. Ex was kind of half-dragging me. We walked past Hot Brother right as I moaned, "I'm dying..." And then Hot Brother said, "Aww, don't die. That wouldn't be good." I swooned a little bit and Mr. Ex muttered, "Like he would even care..." Then I smacked him.
Another update on Hot Brother: He finally got a facebook page so I could facebook stalk him. FTW.
--Saffron
Sunday, January 16, 2011
That one time I witnessed a MURDER!!
Our apartment doesn't allow pets, except for fish. So, we have this sexy beta fish that we named Rufus, so we could talk about him and pretend he's a dog. We love Rufus. He swims around, jumps and tries to bite our fingers when we feed him, and he really likes watching TV. The new RM's love Rufus too, they enjoy witnessing and exploiting his predatory nature
One of them, went and bought a little goldfish, and brought it over to feed to Rufus. Mostly, the two fish swam around in circles for an hour with Rufus nipping off some of the little fishes fins. Once the RM left, we sprang into action. We saved the little goldfish and were keeping him safe in a separate cup, safe from the terror he was witnessing previously. Alas, poor little goldfish wouldn't be safe for long.
Some other guys that live on our floor, decided to come pay us a visit. We told them how we had valiantly saved the poor little goldfish from a horrible fate and expected them to commend us on our bravery. Here's where the murder comes in. I had turned my back to take something out of the oven while the guys were looking at the little fishy. When I turned back, I saw one of them (I'll call him Lucius because he's EVIL!) pick up the goldfish, and....
(pausing for effect)......
..................................
DROP THE LIVE GOLDFISH INTO HIS MOUTH!!!!!!!!!
That's right ladies and gentleman, Lucius ATE MY GOLDFISH!!!! Just swallowed the poor little guy whole! I was so shocked, I nearly fainted.
So, for future reference, don't keep men and goldfish in your apartment at the same time. NO GOOD WILL COME OF IT!!!!
Ambrosially yours,
One of them, went and bought a little goldfish, and brought it over to feed to Rufus. Mostly, the two fish swam around in circles for an hour with Rufus nipping off some of the little fishes fins. Once the RM left, we sprang into action. We saved the little goldfish and were keeping him safe in a separate cup, safe from the terror he was witnessing previously. Alas, poor little goldfish wouldn't be safe for long.
Some other guys that live on our floor, decided to come pay us a visit. We told them how we had valiantly saved the poor little goldfish from a horrible fate and expected them to commend us on our bravery. Here's where the murder comes in. I had turned my back to take something out of the oven while the guys were looking at the little fishy. When I turned back, I saw one of them (I'll call him Lucius because he's EVIL!) pick up the goldfish, and....
(pausing for effect)......
..................................
DROP THE LIVE GOLDFISH INTO HIS MOUTH!!!!!!!!!
That's right ladies and gentleman, Lucius ATE MY GOLDFISH!!!! Just swallowed the poor little guy whole! I was so shocked, I nearly fainted.
So, for future reference, don't keep men and goldfish in your apartment at the same time. NO GOOD WILL COME OF IT!!!!
Ambrosially yours,
paprika
Monday, January 10, 2011
Seriously??
Ok, well we're all back at good ol' College State University and already there has been much scandal! We live in an apartment complex barely off campus, so for all intents and purposes we live in a dorm. And next door to us, used to be these six guys that were insane, we heard many questionable things through the walls including singing, shrieking, screaming, ferocious growling, scratching (they would scratch the wall between our apartments late at night), and ninja yells. They were...interesting people. Fortunately, this semester a bunch of them left on missions, so we got three new men next door that just barely got off their missions. (I know what you're thinking, "fresh meat" right?)
Well, it is my theory that many of the girls on our floor (thank goodness none of the girls from our apartment) fell prey to either werewolves, mad cow, or were genetically altered into shark-women, because since these poor little RM's arrived it has been a veritable flirting frenzy. You can cut the hormone-crazed air with a knife, or anything else that can cut through air...
Us college babes that still have our sanity think it's rather pathetic, disturbing, and also ridiculously funny to watch. We figure, we'll keep our distance for now, be friendly, and let all the womarks (woman sharks? maybe sharkoman is better) tear each other to pieces before we make any kind of move on the eligible men next door.
Do you guys have any advice to get the new men to notice how irresistibly gorgeous/smart/non-genetically altered/sane we are? We'd love to hear what you think!
Ambrosially yours,
Well, it is my theory that many of the girls on our floor (thank goodness none of the girls from our apartment) fell prey to either werewolves, mad cow, or were genetically altered into shark-women, because since these poor little RM's arrived it has been a veritable flirting frenzy. You can cut the hormone-crazed air with a knife, or anything else that can cut through air...
Us college babes that still have our sanity think it's rather pathetic, disturbing, and also ridiculously funny to watch. We figure, we'll keep our distance for now, be friendly, and let all the womarks (woman sharks? maybe sharkoman is better) tear each other to pieces before we make any kind of move on the eligible men next door.
Do you guys have any advice to get the new men to notice how irresistibly gorgeous/smart/non-genetically altered/sane we are? We'd love to hear what you think!
Ambrosially yours,
paprika
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