Fall Flings

Well friends, Rikki here, remember how I told you I had a story for you?

Well here it is, here is the story.

Once upon a time, I was at a church related service project with all my college babes. We were picking pumpkins for a local pumpkin farmer with our ward and a couple of others. I had never picked pumpkins before, I didn't know how tough it was. Pumpkins grow on these big thick vines that you have to cut through, and the vines are all prickly, so you need gloves to even touch them.

I came very unprepared.

 All I had were my hands, and my phone.
Neither were very much use for cutting through vines.

So, I did what any self respecting knifeless girl at a pumpkin patch does:
I found a cute boy with a knife and got my flirt on!

This particular boy was almost as big of a flirt as me, so we got along quite nicely. He got my number at the end of the night and had asked me on a date by the end of the week!

Now, I'm not sure what it is about fall,
but something about the air and the colors and the pumpkin flavored everything make everything so much more romantic.
Our first date, he asked me if I wanted to go on an adventure.
I liked that.
So we did
We set out to feed ducks, except we went to four different places before we finally found some. In the meantime, we did a lot of walking and a lot of talking. 
I told him about high school, and about the different people I'd dated.
He told me about his summer job as a cowboy in Wyoming, and how he takes his little nieces out on dates.
Basically I thought he was a dream.
He was cute, and sweet, and almost as big of a dork as I am. 
I could talk to this guy, 
I felt like he could really relate to me, and knew where I was coming from.
After our first date, I had high hopes
I'll tell you about our second date later.

Stay Spicy you guys,
Paprika

Mr. Quick

I broke up with Mr. Horrible, and suddenly it was like I had a sign on my back that said "This babe is a babe! Date her!"

Seriously. Boys started texting me and messaging before I even changed the relationship status on facebook. I hid the relationship status for a long time so we could figure things out, and it's like EVERYONE NOTICED. They didn't say anything... but boys started talking to me a lot.

Mr. Quick was the first one. It started out with "How do you know so-and-so?" And ended with "You're really cool, what's your number?"

He asked me out for the next week. We went to get shakes and talked. We talked and talked. A whole lot. Date started at... 8pm... ended at like.... 12:30pm. It was nice to talk and get out and meet new people. The only problem was, this wasn't really a new person, this was a guy I went to elementary school with, then he moved, then we went to high school together. Only he was a senior when I was a freshy. That's not a big deal when you're in college, a 4 year age difference... but it's a big deal when you're in high school. And then you grow up and you still feel really young in comparison.

He took me home, and asked me out again. The next date, I don't even remember what we did. But he said something about "So for Halloween, I was wanting to be ____, wouldn't it be funny if you were ____?" 

And I started feeling awkward, because it was the second date.... and also, I was only home for the summer. I'd be going to school in a few weeks, and he'd be going to a different school... and we'd be 2 hours apart. This was absolutely a fling in my mind, what was it in his?

The next date, we bought a fish. My fish. His name is Corrihor. A lovely beta. Well... I had fun playing games with his family, we went outside and talked.... I had fun being with him. But I noticed when I wasn't with him, I didn't really care. I actually really liked not being with him. When I was away.... and we had a date coming up... I'd dread it. I'd have a good time on the date... but I always dreaded spending time with him. I can't be with someone I dread spending time with!

So I decided that was our last date. 

BUT WAIT. There's MORE. He kept asking me out, and I was bad at saying no, so I would just say "Oh sure!" And then the day of the date, something OF COURSE would come up... sorry... can't go tonight.... my mom... choked.... on.... grape juice.... I had a tanning accident.... stuff.... sorry.... 

Meanwhile, I dated Mr. Tall, and started dating Mr. Everything. 

Well I broke up with Mr. Tall. (Kinda. Another story for another time.) And Mr. Everything and I started to become exclusive. I'd post pictures of us on facebook, I'd talk about him all the time.... I'd even mention him to Mr. Quick. But still he was asking me out. 

He'd text me SO MUCH. Then he'd text me and say "Lol sorry for texting so much!" And then text me way more. 

Then one day he asked me to a drive in, because he was moving the next day, and I said "Oh I'm feeling sick..." And he texted me and said that he was sorry if he was reading it wrong, but he liked me a lot, but it seemed like I was spending time with someone else, and he was really invested in our relationship, but he didn't know if I was as into it as he was, and he was sorry if he was reading it wrong and was sorry if I really DID like him the best and wanted to marry him, and it was all a misunderstanding, but he wanted to know.

So I said that just yeah.... I was dating someone else and I wanted to see where that'd go. The funny thing is that Mr. Everything does live an hour away.... and I knew him for shorter time than Mr. Quick. But he's MR. EVERYTHING. 

A few months later I was at a football game, engaging in witty banter with an unknown number from the opposing team. I call people darling and sweetie pie all the time. Complete strangers and everything. Eventually they called me "babe" back and I felt weird. So I asked who it was. And it was Mr. Quick. Awkward. 

Well that's the story of Mr. Quick. He was the first date after my break up. Stay tuned for stories of Mr. Tall.

--Coriander 

Silly Boys

Hey y'all, it's Rikki here, and I am so excited to be telling you all about my life again! I've missed you guys, and I hope you forgive us crazy college babes for slacking off for so long. 

The last time I talked to you guys, I told you all about jumping into a freezing lake with a bunch of hot men. Well, all those hot men left on religious missions and us College Babes had to find completely new men to hang out with. Over the last few years we have hung out with a lot of men, and there have been a few memorable ones.

There was Freakishly Tall Man that I met at work and took me mini golfing. I know I'm short but no lie, I came up to this guys hips. I hugged him at the end of the date and bruised my cheek on his belt buckle. 

There was The No-Fade Freshman; we went on two or three dates last year, and I thought he was nice but I wasn't feeling the love so when the semester ended I tried to do the "fade out". This boy was texting me twice a day, calling me once a week, and after the whole summer of me not ever replying, he told me that he thought we'd had something real, and special, and he couldn't understand what he'd done wrong. He told me that if what we'd had meant anything to me at all, I would come to his mission farewell and apologize. 

The WoMan, I met at a dance and after getting to know him a little better, decided he would get along well with my fellow College Babe Saffron. After introducing the two of them, and realizing that it would not work out, this boy spent days moping to me over text. This man was whining worse than a PMSing thirteen year old, and drove me freaking nuts. I tried to be nice to him, and assure him that he was a very nice, upstanding gentleman, and that some day a wonderful girl would see that and become his own smitten kitten. He took this to mean that I was in love with him, and when I told him I wasn't- he cried. Like, real live tears. It was awful, but also hilarious in retrospect. Like watching Kim Kardashian cry.

Currently, I've got me a few prospects that look pretty promising, but I'll tell you about them later. They're really good stories and I want to do them justice. I do want to say though, that while over the last couple years my dating record has been pretty pitiful- my life has been awesome. I think a lot of girls our age think that they are worthless, or there's something wrong with them if they aren't dating anyone. I've been there girls, I know how you feel, but you girls are amazing. You are literally in the prime of your life, and you have so many opportunities in front of you! Take this time to discover who you really are, and what you really want out of your life. I know from my own life, the more that you know and love yourself, the more that others, including the hot men, will love you too. I've been single for a long time, and I don't regret a single second of it. It has made me who I am. Embrace it girls, and become who you are meant to be. 

Ambrosially yours,

Paprika

Don't Blink, You'll Miss It.

Oh hello there 2012. It's been...

Quite some time. Quite some time. About a year and a half. Quite some time indeed.

Coriander! Where have you been! Well. Let me tell you. The condensed version. Ready.... go.

I met a guy I sent him on a mission I waited for him on a mission I moved home with my parents to a different school for a semester he came home from his mission we dated we got engaged we stayed engaged for a few months he ran off to the military our relationship was crap he treated me like crap I felt like crap and life was crap and so I ended our engagement and sent the ring back to him and I cried and I cried and I cried for a long time I cried even when I dated him for months I knew we were going to break up and I didn't have to guts to do it until he came back his name is mr horrible not to be confused with the awesome dr horrible and I cried and started dating again and dated mr quick and then dated mr tall and neither of them were right and I'll talk about them later because they're funny stories but it wasn't right and I decided that love for me wasn't right and that I went through a failed engagement and no one would love me and I wouldn't find that connection with anyone else which is crap because he treated me like crap and I felt like crap but he knew me and I knew him and I didn't think I'd find that again and love didn't exist and blah blah blah blah... then my dad said "Hey Coriander I know a guy you should look him up" and I said ok and I did then he asked me on a date then another date then another date and his name is mr everything and we dated lots and I moved out of my parents house and back to my favorite school, college state university, again, and now I'm here and he's at a different school but we still date and we date a lot and he is my everything and more he is mr everything and I can't imagine life without him.

The end.

Coriander

Bus-Induced Anarchy

Anyone who has ever spent over 24 hours on a bus will understand that, after a short while, all laws of society and morality fade away, leaving complete and total anarchy. It's like a tiny, mobile, separate universe. A tiny universe where anything can happen...


But let me back up a little bit.


Hot Brother. Remember him? The gallant knight? Well, this gallant knight took me on the most romatic moonlight-cocoa-picnic ever on the night of Valentine's and told me he wanted to be with me. Great, right? Then he told me that he had promised one of his other consorts a date that Friday, but after that we could be together. So I accepted, and Friday night came and went. Saturday morning, he called and said he changed his mind, he was going to be with this consort. That relationship lasted about two weeks before exploding in his face, and then he had the gall to come crawling back to me. Yeah, nice try, Hot Brother.


So now, here I am on a bus on the way across the country for a wind ensemble tour. This bus, which seats 56 people, contains exactly 56 people, so you can imagine it was quite intimate. Some of those 56 people included: myself, Hot Brother, Former Consort, Mr. Ex, and Hot Brother's... uhh... Cute Brother. So here I am, surrounded by all these characters in the lame movie of my life, confined to the tiny universe for about 26 hours straight. The bus ride started like this...


(woogy flashback effect)


Preparing emotionally for this bus ride was an ordeal, and I had been discussing with Cori and Rikki how lame it was that I didn't have anyone to cuddle with on the bus. So when the bus ride started out, I compensated by laying across the laps of BOTH brothers. Which was pretty hilarious, because both brothers started creepin'. Then, since I had been sleep deprived for days, I passed out, and when I woke up, apparently Hot (and Retarded) Brother had decided he wanted me all to himself so he made Cute Brother move. So I got mad at Hot Brother and told him not to touch, me, so he moved to the window seat and sulked for the rest of the remaining 20 hours. By this point, Cute Brother was unconscious, so I started talking to my girl friend behind him for a while. Then, randomly, Cute Brother goes, "Mmmmmmm... Hey." Stretches, runs his hand down my arm and takes my hand. And held my hand for like an hour. I texted him later (because Mr. Ex was trying to sleep behind me and had already told us to shut up) and asked if he realized he had been holding my hand. The conversation went something like this:


Me: Did you realize you were holding my hand for like an hour?
Him: Haha, yeah, but I have no recollection of how that happened...
Me: Well, you know, band bus, sleep deprivation...
Him: Can I be totally honest with you?
Me: Of course.
Him: I don't really have feelings for you like that, you're more like my sister. I guess I'm just starved for romance right now.
Me: Yeah, that's understandable. (he's going on a mission in less than a month)
Him: Haha, I'd kiss you right now if I weren't concerned about the guilt.
Me: Band buses will do that to you...
Him: Haha, yeeeeeah...
(ten minutes)
Him: So, aren't you going to lean in and kiss me?
Me: You brought it up!
So then he leaned in and kissed me. You know how in movies it's like the camera spins around and dramatic music plays and there are fireworks and birds and flowers blooming? This kiss was not like that at all. Both of us responded with, "Eh, yeah, nope. No. That's not really... yeah, no."

And then I got back with Mr. Ex.

And then three days after we got home, Mr. Ex re-dumped me.

And we all lived lame-ly ever after.

The end.

--Saffron

Moving On

Hey world! It's been a long time since any of us posted. We did that thing where we started being in school and having exams and stuff and yeah. You know how it is, it takes time! 


Well. I broke up with Tim, remember? That sucked. I really really liked him. But looking back, it wasn't a good relationship, and I wasn't really happy. I'm ready to move on. And I think I have.


This last week was a multi-ward Family Home Evening. We were doing this volleyball tournament. Rikki and Saff were on the court playing, so I was just kinda sitting by myself. And three of the most attractive men ever came and sat by me.


Me!


Me?!

ME!!!


We just talked for a while, about 110% of communication was flirting in some way, and yeah. 


So their names are Derek, Carter, and John. 


They left with my number, and a promise to call, and well.... Derek and I have been texting all week! I'm purrrty sure he's gonna ask me on a date soon.


It feels good to move on. It feels good to flirt shamelessly. It feels good to be liked!


Also, Rikki and Saff have a hilarious story, but I'll let them tell you. Heh heh heh... 

--Coriander 

Children's Books

Alright. We're girls. And we like certain guys more than certain other guys. Rikki and Saffron and I have happened ourselves upon a nice bunch of specimen, and we were looking forward to hanging out this weekend! However... they had a campout. Yeah. LAME. For us at least, it's probably super fun for them.

So Thursday, I could see the weekend was coming up really soon, and I had to come up with something to do! Enter: Institute man. Also known as Luke.

Luke has been making eyes at me all semester. But... I dunno. I just get this vibe from him that he's not my type. But I don't want to judge fast, so I give him a chance. He sat by me on Thursday, and we got talking before class started.

Within 3 minutes of talking, he told me he lives with his parents, and he recited an entire children's book. From memory. Uh... alright! Whatever! There's lots of guys in the world, why do I have to pick the one that recited the kiddie book to me? Remember the fine specimen?

After class he asked me on a date for Friday night. Hey! Something to do this weekend while fine specimen are camping! So I said yes.

Ladies and Gentlemen.... what comes next is something very shallow of me, something I never do.

One of the fine specimen texted me and told me that the camp out was cancelled. And they really wanted to hang out with Rikki and Saff and I this weekend.

I couldn't let my roomies have all the fun.

So.

I lied to Luke. I told him that family came in town, my Grandparents from Texas showed up out of no where, and were really looking forward to taking me to dinner that night. Sorry Luke... I'm going to have to cancel.

I had fun with Rikki and Saffron and fine specimen.... I don't regret making the choice to spend time with them instead of Luke... but I feel like such a jerk.

Next person to ask me on a date, no matter WHAT book they recite, I will go.

Date Nite...

So, just got back from my first date with Hot Brother!


WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


...right?


Oh Hot Brother... Why do you have to be so hot? Why do you have to be so hot, so smooth, and such a player? Why must you test drive women like cars? 


Oh Saffron... WHY ARE YOU SO FOOLISH? Why do you insist on ignoring your better judgement when it comes to men? Why do you have to be so attractive, but apparently only to men who you would rather not be attracted to you?


OK, I'm making it sound a lot worse than it is. In all reality, it was a really great date. First he took me to an art exhibit, which was tons of fun. I love art. Then we went to a cute little fifties-looking ice cream shop soda fountain type deal which was also tons of fun AND I got pistachio ice cream (a.k.a. "nectar of the gods") out of it. Then I decided to show him an awesome park where you can go right to the edge and look out over the whole city. That park has the most beautiful view, especially at night when the city is all lit up and sparkly. Most romantic thing ever and he didn't even try to kiss me. But here's why...


Since we last spoke, Mr. Ex and I had a horrible, awful falling out that resulted in me realizing just how much denial I was in and left me once again repeatedly facepalming at the thought of my own stupidity. But along comes Hot Brother, and hot and sensitive. Well, sensitive-ish. It's the kind of sensitive that makes you think, "Aww, you're just like something out of a Lifetime Original Movie..." The kind of sensitive that says things like, "You're always welcome in these arms." Wow, very convincing, Hot Brother. As if I can't see right through your act. That's right, folks. He's one of Those Guys. Spies a fair maiden, a damsel in distress... Throws on his shining armor, leaps to the rescue. Ah, grateful maiden swoons over his hotness and they kiss dramatically. Happy ever after. Well, unless for some reason the grateful maiden for some reason finds it necessary to pause in the middle of their dramatic kiss to ask just how many fair maidens the aforementioned knight had kissed in the last, say, month since he got back from his crusade. And the handsome knight replies with a very romantic and reassuring statement of, "Well... er... uh... um... Three. Four, including yourself. Ahem."


REALLY, HOT KNIGHT?! REALLY?! I suppose you can just add another notch on the bejeweled hilt of your enchanted sword and write me off, eh? Well I've got news for you, pal! I'm no damsel in distress, no sir! I'm a distressing damsel! (Hot Brother's words, actually. Hee hee. I mean, uh, grrrr.) 


Anyways, so the fair maiden gave the hot knight a stern lecture and told him he went about it the proper way or no way at all, so he took her out on a proper date and didn't kiss her on the first date, even though he wanted to and she kinda wanted him to but NOT REALLY. Um. Curses. 


Moral of the story: We need more dragons in these parts. Without natural predators, gallant knights will overpopulate the land and upset the balance of nature. There aren't enough fair maidens in the world if each gallant knight needs FOUR. 


--Saffron

Mmmmm...Shirtless Boys!

So, a new semester always means new friends, new men, and new adventures! And last night I had one of the most exciting adventures of my life!!! Remember the jerks that ate my goldfish? Well I was over in their apartment the other night and we were bored. We had just finished watching a movie, and were desperately trying to find something to do with our lives. I've already stated that these boys are not the sharpest cookies in the lamp, but sometimes they surpass dumb and go straight to  idiocy. Here's how the discussion went;


"Dude...I'm so bored"
"Dude.....Let's do something crazy!"
"....we could go jump in the dam up the canyon"
"Dude, that water's got to be so cold!...LET'S DO IT"


And obviously I had no choice. Six mainly attractive men that would soon be shirtless-I just had to go too, that's what college is all about! So I scampered home, changed into my very-cute-but-not-too-slutty swimsuit and braced myself for the "Polar Plunge"


Once we arrived at the Dam that we would be jumping into, I got cold feet. (Hee-hee punny right?) There was snow on the ground. And ice chunks in the water, and we were going to be leaping off a bridge into frigid black death. The men, no doubt trying to seem macho and tough in front of a super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot college babe like me, all jumped fearlessly into the water, where they were diminished into screeching, shrieking ninnies. I was left by myself, on a bridge, eight feet above the coldest, blackest water in the world. After much coercion, and many promises that if I started drowning, they would save me, I finally jumped off the bridge into the frozen void. 


If you've never jumped into a freezing lake in the middle of January, or been stranded in a blizzard on the planet Hoth, you have no idea how cold I was once I hit the water. I felt like every inch of me was being stabbed, squeezed, and smacked simultaneously. I couldn't even scream I was so cold, all I could do was frantically thrash my way to the shore and let the men pull me up. I guess I looked pretty frozen because immediately the most attractive of the men, Jason, wrapped a towel around my shoulders and hugged me until I stopped shaking.


If you have never been warmed by the bare chest of a sexy man, you are seriously missing out. It is one of the most blissful experiences you can have. I suggest that you immediately find a man, rip his shirt off and snuggle on up. It can help cure cancer, and make you feel all snuggly warm inside!


Ambrosially Yours,

paprika

...I got better....

After some time being mopey and pathetic and junk like that, I up and got better. Don't know how I did it.

Yeah. Break ups suck. But hey. I'm going to College State University! It rocks! I have awesome roommates/BFFLOLOMGROFLTTYL!!!! and life is actually pretty good. Looking back? It stings. But yeh know, that'll probably be there for a while. But there is far too much good out there to pity myself over a breakup with a guy who was a jerk-face anyways. I've got better things to do.

And those things come in the shape of fresh meat at family home evening. It's a new semester. It never really really occurred to me that this also meant new people in my ward. Rikki and Saffron were busy studying last night, so I headed out to FHE by myself.

I don't know why I went really... they were playing volley ball. And I'm not a sports girl and our ward is SUPER competitive. I was destined to get hit in the head with the ball more than 5 times. So I hung out off court most of the time and hit things up cheerleader style.

And this got me some good attention. I met this new guy. His name is Dan. And he is foine. Yeah so I met him last night and....

You guessed it! I got myself a date.

Wow Cori? Gettin yourself a date an hour after meeting a guy? Not bad.

I'm back in the game fellas. Look out.

~Coriander

BOY UPDATE TIME!

Everyone's favorite thing ever! Now, you'll recall earlier when I mentioned all those guys that interesting things happened with/around. And I told you I'd keep you updated!

First off, there's Mr. Ex. Yeah, he's still around. I thought I could be all cool and be like, "Oh yeah! Sure! We can still be friends, because we're extra super cool people!" Well NOPE! We couldn't JUST be friends. My friend with the hot brother (we'll get to Hot Brother later...) referred to me and Mr. Ex as "uhh... really close... touchy-friends?" So yeah, we can still be friends! If friends are people who kiss each other as they leave for work, hold hands when they're walking down the hall, and put their arms around each other as they're sitting next to each other. And I don't even like this guy! I really don't! That's why I broke up with him! It's super frustrating and I finally just got so tired of it. I'm going to try avoiding him for a while. Which should be pretty easy when he goes on a road trip next week. (Phew!)

Work Guy? Never saw or heard from him again.

And THEN there's Hot Brother. Turns out, he transferred out of my karate class. So did my friend, whose brother he is. Sad day, I don't know anyone in that class. But I do still see Hot Brother around, no fear! He's in the band with me still. I see him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I even exchanged words with him the other day! I was sitting through rehearsal, and I was having SUCH a hard time concentrating, my brain felt super fuzzy and weird. Then after rehearsal was over, I was putting my instrument away and Mr. Ex came up to give me a hug. Mr. Ex says, "Whoa, you're really hot..." I sort of glared and him for a minute until he said, "No, I mean I think you have a fever..." Then I decided to give up on being upright and sort of slumped to the ground. I shuffled my way out to grab my stuff and go to work, and Mr. Ex was kind of half-dragging me. We walked past Hot Brother right as I moaned, "I'm dying..." And then Hot Brother said, "Aww, don't die. That wouldn't be good." I swooned a little bit and Mr. Ex muttered, "Like he would even care..." Then I smacked him.

Another update on Hot Brother: He finally got a facebook page so I could facebook stalk him. FTW.

--Saffron

That one time I witnessed a MURDER!!

Our apartment doesn't allow pets, except for fish. So, we have this sexy beta fish that we named Rufus, so we could talk about him and pretend he's a dog. We love Rufus. He swims around, jumps and tries to bite our fingers when we feed him, and he really likes watching TV. The new RM's love Rufus too, they enjoy witnessing and exploiting his predatory nature


One of them, went and bought a little goldfish, and brought it over to feed to Rufus. Mostly, the two fish swam around in circles for an hour with Rufus nipping off some of the little fishes fins. Once the RM left, we sprang into  action.  We saved the little goldfish and were keeping him safe in a separate cup, safe from the terror he was witnessing previously. Alas, poor little goldfish wouldn't be safe for long.


Some other guys that live on our floor, decided to come pay us a visit. We told them how we had valiantly saved the poor little goldfish from a horrible fate and expected them to commend us on our bravery. Here's where the murder comes in. I had turned my back to take something out of the oven while the guys were looking at the little fishy. When I turned back, I saw one of them (I'll call him Lucius because he's EVIL!) pick up the goldfish, and....
(pausing for effect)......
..................................
DROP THE LIVE GOLDFISH INTO HIS MOUTH!!!!!!!!! 
That's right ladies and gentleman, Lucius ATE MY GOLDFISH!!!! Just swallowed the poor little guy whole! I was so shocked, I nearly fainted. 


So, for future reference, don't keep men and goldfish in your apartment at the same time. NO GOOD WILL COME OF IT!!!!


Ambrosially yours,

paprika

Seriously??

Ok, well we're all back at good ol' College State University and already there has been much scandal! We live in an apartment complex barely off campus, so for all intents and purposes we live in a dorm. And next door to us, used to be these six guys that were insane, we heard many questionable things through the walls including singing, shrieking, screaming, ferocious growling, scratching (they would scratch the wall between our apartments late at night), and ninja yells. They were...interesting people. Fortunately, this semester a bunch of them left on missions, so we got three new men next door that just barely got off their missions. (I know what you're thinking, "fresh meat" right?)


Well, it is my theory that many of the girls on our floor (thank goodness none of the girls from our apartment) fell prey to either werewolves, mad cow, or were genetically altered into shark-women, because since these poor little RM's arrived it has been a veritable flirting frenzy. You can cut the hormone-crazed air with a knife, or anything else that can cut through air...


Us college babes that still have our sanity think it's rather pathetic, disturbing, and also ridiculously funny to watch. We figure, we'll keep our distance for now, be friendly, and let all the womarks (woman sharks? maybe sharkoman is better) tear each other to pieces before we make any kind of move on the eligible men next door. 


Do you guys have any advice to get the new men to notice how irresistibly gorgeous/smart/non-genetically altered/sane we are? We'd love to hear what you think!


Ambrosially yours, 

paprika

Scandal At The Corner

I made a stupid mistake that felt pretty good.

Matt and I were leaving class yesterday, but we were taking our dear sweet time about it. Which is another way of saying... we were completely alone...

All of the sudden I felt really lonely, all that I wanted was to feel close to another human being... and so.... I completely disgraced myself and  threw myself at Matt, wrapping myself around him completely kissing his neck all over.

And he put his hands on my waist and lifted me away, and said "Wow... you're amazing at what you do. I can't imagine how worth it you'd be if we save ourselves for marriage."

I guess he's one of those kissing over the alter only guys?

Then I had to hurry home and had the hardest time shoving my bicycle into my book bag, I was leaving to girls camp in a few hours. I have no idea why my ward thought it would be a good idea to have girls camp in the middle of the winter.

In the midst of packing, I was struck with peculiar fatigue and I had to lay down, and it was only then that I realized I was not at my house! I was at my grandparent's house! But I still had to sleep, and they had guest rooms. My cousin was being a brat and wouldn't let me take the nice bed though...

But I was tired.

So I washed my face in the sink in our bedroom, and all of the sudden a mini black bear just LEAPED into the sink where I was washing my face and begin splashing around! It touched it's paw to me, and my mind was filled with the thought that the bear just really wanted to get clean. It was so soft and friendly....

Soooo soft....

Sooo.... friendly......

And then I woke up. 

Yay for dreams in which I desecrate mine integrity. 

--Coriander

Woman Secrets

You know, I was looking at our stats, and ALL of our followers thus far are women! All five of them! Here's what I think: A few men would do well to follow a blog like this. I mean, it's like a window into the minds of HOT COLLEGE BABES. What more could you ask for?


So, to lure some more manly-types to our blog, I'll share a few secrets about women:


-We DO like it when you complement us. We DON'T like it when you complement our outfit. Well, it's not that we don't like it, it's just that it makes you seem a bit... fruity.

-We DO like it when you take pride in your appearance. We DON'T like it when you spend more time on your hair than we do. Not only does this also make you look like a fairy princess, it also makes you seem narcissistic. Also, only rarely is facial hair acceptable, and only if you take really, really good care of it.

-We DO like it when you make an effort to smell good. We DON'T like it when you bathe in cologne. We enjoy breathing.

-We DO like it when you talk about us to your friends. We DON'T like it when you talk about us like a piece of meat. Well, most of the time. There are women out there in this world that actually enjoy being objectified.

-We DO like it when you ask us how we're doing when it seems like we need it. We DON'T like it when you take "fine" for an answer. "Fine" almost never really means "fine."

-We DO like it when you treat us like your friend. We DON'T like it when you treat us like "one of the guys." A girl can only take being called "dude" so much.

There you have it, faithful readers, just a few insights into the complex-ish mind of a hot girl. For all the lady-readers out there, if you have anything to add, feel free to comment, and be sure to tell all your man-friends!

--Saffron

This post was brought to you by the letter K and the number 7

There was once a young blogger named Rikki
Whose hairspray became impossibly sticky.
With the world stuck to her hair,
Now her poor head is bare
And everyone thinks it looks ikky.

Undesirably Desirable

Remember how I just got dumped like moldy flat cakes by my ex boyfriend? Well guess what! I met this guy yesterday, and NOW WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!!!! I'd post pictures of the ring but that'd ruin this whole anonymity thing.

Just kidding, you should have seen your face, you totes believed me, didn't you? Hah hah... Joke's on you. Wait no. It's on me. It's got to be.

What is it about college guys? Or really any guys in general? Because it's like the second stupid Tim face dumped me, I'm getting a bit swamped. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for attention but...

It still stings guys! I really really genuinely liked Tim. We broke up like... only a week ago, a week and a half whatever. And it's hard not being with him and to feel so messed up. I feel so humiliated... this wasn't what was supposed to happen. It's hard to listen to songs now, because those songs were about him and I. And now only all the sad songs are about him and I... and sad songs bring me down. 

The point is, I went from being completely sure of this guy to nothing. I miss my best friend. I know things won't go back to how they were, and even though I know that the relationship was bad for me (remember that whole trashing Cori thing? Yeah...) I still miss my Tim. Well, not my Tim anymore.

Sorry about this whole depressing everything... but....

Now guys are twisted around all of my fingers! How did that happen?! It seems like some sort of warning sign has been lifted and there's all these eligible young men out there!

Examples include:

Jared, my home teacher. He's always been a bit flirtsy for a home teacher, but apparently now he has full license to get a ring on me like NOW!

Matt, that guy in one of my classes. We'd talked a little, and the semester ended, so game over, right? Just kidding! Wrong! The game has just begun.

Preston, read above. He's exactly like Matt except hotter.

Jason, the childhood lover. He's been on the sidelines my entire life, seeing as how we went to school together. He's not going to College State Uni., but some how he's found a way to make sure he's very much a part of my life, even if I don't want him to be. That whole "He's just like a brother to me", it's real, and attempted relationships in our past have been messy and weird. For me at least... he just doesn't see it yet. I have faith that he will some day.

I like guys, remember? I'm boy crazy.... but do you know what I mean when I say that I don't care about any of them right now?  I care for them, but though boys are my favorite food... I guess I'm just not hungry.

Has this ever happened to any of you? When does it get better? This kinda sucks. I want to be 'ready'....

Grateful that school is starting back up. I've missed Rikki and Saffron, we've been home for the holidays in our separate homes. Good to see family! Sad not to be with your Bee eff eff-eff-effs. Or however many it is. Shout out to you two! Yoo hoo!


Anyways... do you have any advice? Mmm thanks!



--Coriander

Just Say No!

Allergies: Everyone gets them, everyone hates them. Fortunately modern medicine has been working on compensating for this shortcoming in human anatomy for years, and we've developed all sorts of drugs to help. Such as Benadryl.


Bees: They fly around, collecting nectar and distributing pollen, not meaning anyone any harm. That is, of course, unless they're disturbed.


Me: Not allergic to bees. For future reference.


Once upon a time, I was in marching band. Actually, way more than ONCE upon a time... Anywho, it was band camp (I know what you're thinking, "this one time at band camp...") when it happened. We were setting drill on the field, I was carrying my clarinet as usual and minding my own business. A well-meaning bee was flying along, also minding its own business, and decided it was tired and needed somewhere to sit down and take a rest. Fortunately, I apparently have very soft, comfortable hands and the bee decided that would be a nice place to sit down.


I don't have a problem with bees! I don't! I wouldn't mind at all if a well meaning bee decided to come sit on my finger. Unfortunately, this particular bee startled me and also managed to get in the way of my fingers as I played, so I attempted to brush the bee off. This startled the bee, who stung me and flew away. Up to this point, I had managed to go my entire life without being stung by a bee, so I had no idea whether or not I was allergic to bees. Fortunately there was a well meaning mellophone player who WAS allergic to bees and offered to stab me with his epi-pen, but I opted for the Benadryl option. I've always had kind of a weird reaction to Benadryl, but this time was something special. See, he decided that, just to be safe, he should give me TWO.


(DISCLAIMER: The following passage may contain indirect drug references. Do not try anything mentioned in this post.)


Benadryl, I learned, causes me to hallucinate. Badly. Not, like, pink-elephant hallucinations, that would have been enjoyable. These were fractured-reality hallucinations. It was like I was stuck in the weird limbo between waking and sleeping, where nothing is quite right and it's sort of terrifying. I sprawled on the grass next to the field and tripped out for a while. I thought Rikki's dad, who was a scruffy-looking man with a ponytail, was a guy I liked at the time, who looked like a 12 year old. I thought it was 5:00 in the afternoon when in reality it was like noon. But there was one thought that managed to stay afloat on the drug induced confusion was this:


"The trumpets are out of tune."


So, moral of the story, don't do drugs. Even if it makes you have perfect pitch for a while.

--Saffron

My "Come Hither" Shirt

nerd
NOUN

• offensive term: an offensive term that deliberately insults somebody's physical appearance or social skills     ( slang insult )
• single-minded enthusiast: somebody who is considered to be excessively interested in a subject or activity that is regarded as too technical or scientific ( often used in combination; offensive in some contexts )
• ridiculously good looking: usually very shy, adorable, and more often than not turn out to be really good kissers. 

That is the official definition for nerd. I'm serious, this is what google tels you when you type in "definition of nerd". I did not alter any point of this definition, so obviously it is a proven fact that nerds are superior to other men in many ways. Which is why I am proud to say that I only date nerdy men. I just can't resist a tall gangly man with glasses and a sweet pair of Chuck Taylor's. I tried dating a few men that weren't nerds, and I can say from experience that a nerdy man will treat you better, love you more, and kiss a whole lot better than any other kind of man. It's the truth. I promise. 

One of the best things about nerdy guys though, is how easy it is to get them to notice you. Other guys you have to do stupid things like giggle uncontrollably, constantly comment on their musculature, and touch them a lot. With a nerd, all you have to do is put on some type of slightly nerdy outfit, talk about star trek, and you have them eating out of the palm of your hand. 

I have one shirt, that surpasses all others in its effectiveness to get a nerdy guy to hit on me. It works every single time. I found this amazing shirt at Wal-Mart. It's white, looks like one of those eye test posters and says N is for Nerd with a picture of some sexy nerdy glasses at the bottom. I know it sounds dumb, but I swear this shirt has some magical powers. And once I pair it with the 3D glasses I stole from the movie theater (I cut the lenses out so they look like they could be real glasses) and I'm a nerd magnet. 

The first time I wore this shirt around campus, I had five guys come talk to me. Once, just for fun I wore it to the grocery store and tried to see how many nerdy guys I could get to talk to me. Six. And one of them, bless his nerdy heart, kept following me around the store like a lost puppy. 

Moral of the story: Nerds are sexy. Except for creepy mouth-breathers. With neck beards. 

paprika

Weakness

I. Am. An intellect. At least I like to think I am. So please, understand that my weaknesses are completely out of character for me!

Examples of my strong will and character? I have read all of those fancy books, ranging from Grapes of Crap to that one poem that one guy wrote who is pretty famous and the poem is pretty long... to a book called "Landsford Hasting's Guide to Callifornia and Oregon". I have read all of those books, cover to cover, and in just a few days (maybe today?) I will have finished reading the Old Testament.

I am very organized, I can not sleep in a room that is messy. I'm like Psych. I see things, and I remember them. Maybe not photographically, but I remember where they are. So if you want to know where the user manual to my broken cordless mouse is? I can tell you! Even though I haven't ever used it. (It's in my bookshelf drawer with all my scrapbooking junk.)

I love good music and am perfectly fine listening to an Orchestra perform every song from the opera "Carmen" in one sitting. 

I'm also like Psych in the sense that when I see a cockroach, I tell myself "I can't eat that."

I laugh at nerdy jokes. I laughed for so long when someone in my math class called someone the derivative of acceleration. PRICELESS! I can speak politics and hold my own in a debate. When I was 9, I wanted a cellphone, my parents didn't want to get me one, so I wrote a 25 page essay explaining why they should get me a cellphone. And guess what? I got one!

All that being said... I am NOT one of those girls. You know the kind. They have their phone permanently glued to their hand, teeth that shine with the light of a thousand LED light bulbs, their noses perpetually turned up... but in a way... I am like them. I have the same weaknesses as them. And those weaknesses are...

The Bachelor

The Bachelorette

The Bachelor Pad

Jersey Shore
Gerbera daisies and the color pink

Any show having to do with weddings ever
Taylor Swift
Fro-Yo

Pretty Little Liars

America's Next Top Model

How could this have happened to me?! I love those shows more than I love... cake. Yes. More. Than. I. Love. Cake. *Note: I don't even love cake.*

There you have it. My head is forever hung in shame.

--Coriander